Feel Good Hit of the Summer
by BatNeko
Summary: Summer vacation takes a turn for the crazy, as Link and his friends run into old friends, old enemies, and learn that life is not like a beach movie. Sequel to "The Weekly Hyrule News."
1. Sweet Summer

**Feel Good Hit of the Summer**

**By BatNeko**

**Rating:** PG-13 for language and adult situations.

**Summary:** Summer vacation takes a turn for the crazy, as Link and his friends run into old friends, old enemies, and the overwhelming power of low self-esteem.

**Disclaimer:** You have to be a complete moron to think that I own _any_ of this shit.

**WARNING:** A large subplot of this story will be a gay love story. As in, boys kissing boys. If that's not your thing, fine by me. Go read something else.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Prologue**

Dreamchaser90: It's an incredible opportunity!

ivorygoth: its crazy

Dreamchaser90: I thought you liked all those books I had shipped from their library.

ivorygoth: i DID, that doesn't mean i want to GO there!

ivorygoth: summer is for relaxing sweetie. you know? fun? You remember fun

Dreamchaser90: Studying IS fun for me.

ivorygoth: oh gods babe we REALLY need to getyou laid

Dreamchaser90: Will you knock it off with that! o////o

Dreamchaser90: I just think this is a really good idea and you'll regret it if you miss out.

ivorygoth: OR i could stay here and do my research in between clubbing

Dreamchaser90 says: Who says you can't go clubbing in Lake Town?

ivorygoth: …

ivorygoth: i'm listening…

Dreamchaser90: One Google search. I found THREE.

ivorygoth: oh hell no. really?

Dreamchaser90: Really.

Dreamchaser90: Including one called "The Dark Dove" which sure sounds like the type of place you'd like.

ivorygoth: all right, you got me. i'm in.

ivorygoth: but I'M picking our accommodations. i know a gal.

Dreamchaser90: YES!

Dreamchaser90: Oh thank you Ashei, you won't regret this.

ivorygoth: i'd better not. or i'm taking it out of your freckled virgin ass.

Dreamchaser90: How did you know I have

Dreamchaser90: ASHEI!

ivorygoth is Away and may not reply.

**Chapter 1. Sweet Summer**

Some time in late February of Link's third year of high school, he met a young man named Sheik. A few weeks later he met another young man named Dark. After that things got very confusing for a while, and it all ended with him saving the world from an invasion by the King of Evil, Ganon.

Link still wasn't entirely sure how that had happened, but he blamed it on destiny and tried not to worry about it.

The remainder of the school year had passed without incident, though all his friends were suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to some degree or another. Life had settled into a comfortable, if different, rhythm. He got up, he got Dark up, he got showered and dressed, he argued with Dark about something trivial, then warded off his nearly-brother's attempts to kiss him goodbye before heading off for whatever the day had in store. And that was just the first hour.

The biggest change in Link's life was that he actually _enjoyed_ his mornings now. He liked waking up and knowing his life would be pretty much the same as it was the day before. He had friends, he had family, he had Zelda…

And then there was Zelda. Once upon a time, Link had stared at her in class with that wistful "she's so high above me" longing that would never be fulfilled. Until the gay bar, and Sheik, and the park, and the plant monsters. And Zelda.

It was always like that now. His thoughts, no matter what they were, would somehow cycle back to Zelda. Link thought he'd read in a book once that the way to tell you were really in love was if the person was your first thought in the morning, and your last thought at night. Apparently whoever'd said that hadn't really known how normal people's thoughts worked, because Link couldn't ever remember what he was thinking about when he fell asleep, or if he was thinking at all. But Zelda was always there, at the back of his mind. When he wasn't thinking of anything in particular, he was thinking of her. And it had never felt so good to be so obsessed.

Two months passed, peacefully. Another year of school came to a close, with the now eight-person group of Link's friends emerging with decent-to-stellar grades. Link's birthday had been in June, his male friends celebrating by punching him on the arm, his female friends showering him with cards and gifts he didn't need. Zelda, in a self-admitted cheesy gesture, had bought him and Dark matching triforce necklaces. Link's was gold, Dark's was silver and upside-down. Apparently it was symbolism or something.

She'd also given him another "gift" which couldn't be wrapped (or discussed in polite company).

And that was two months. A long time, in the life of a teenager. The sense of optimism that Ganon had beaten out of all of them had returned, albeit gingerly, and it was the perfect opportunity to get away from things for a while.

At least, that was Zelda's thinking. She'd convinced her parents first, which was easy enough, then she'd convinced Impa which was a lot harder. Now she just had to spring it on all her friends and hope her birthright was enough to get their parents on board.

Link was first, since she basically had him wrapped around her finger. And besides, the only person _he_ had to convince was his boss.

They were curled up on the couch, not paying attention to TV and enjoying some time to themselves, when Zelda brought it up.

"Do you want to go on vacation with me and my parents?"

"Your parents?" Link repeated. "Um…"

"I know it seems a little intimidating, but they like you!"

"I only talked to them for five minutes last time…"

"They like that you saved the world."

Link smiled at that. "Well, there is that. Nothing impresses parents like knowing their daughter's boyfriend is responsible for their continued existence."

"Exactly! Anyways, I do this every year."

"Invite your latest guy on vacation?"

"No." Zelda wrinkled her nose. "Especially considering my last guy… ugh."

"The stalker?"

"He didn't really_ stalk_ me… not like you're thinking. I mean, he didn't have some creepy idea of how we belonged together. Like that other guy I never met…"

"What other guy?" Link frowned.

"Like I said, I never met him. He was a stalker in the classic sense of the word. Impa beat the crap out of him and now he has to stay 100 yards away from me at all time. But that was when I was twelve and I haven't heard from him since."

Link felt himself grinding his teeth. "You were _twelve_ and he thought you _belonged_ together?"

"I try not to think about it too hard…"

"Probably a good idea."

"You ever had an experience like that?"

"Stalkers?"

"Just…anything."

"Well, uh, there was Koume and Kotake…"

"Oh right. Besides them."

"Not really." Link stopped. "Well… There was this time when I was a kid… But it didn't really happen to _me_ and the guy got arrested after three days. I'd rather not go into it."

"S'okay. Soooo… What about that vacation?" She fluttered her eyelashes.

"I'd need to know more about it."

"Three weeks in July, at Lake Town. It's about four hours southish of here."

"Three weeks! Isn't that a lot?"

"Three weeks is just for me. My parents only take two, then that extra time is for running around without parental supervision."

"Which is basically, like, your life."

"Yes but this is_ vacation_."

Link laughed. "Got a point there. So I guess there's just one thing I need to know."

"What's that?"

A black-nailed hand reached over the back of the couch and pulled a familiar face behind it. Dark blinked sleepy mascara-smeared eyes at them. "Can I go?"

"That was my question," Link agreed.

"Dark, what were you doing behind the couch?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I was bored so I came downstairs but then I was still bored so I lay on the floor…and then I think I fell asleep."

Link reached out and ruffled Dark's hair. "We really need to reset your sleep schedule. You can't keep coming in at five AM and getting up at eight. It's not healthy!"

"Can I help it if I'm nocturnal?"

"Yes."

"That… You…" He leaned his chin on the couch. "I'm asking at the library if that's true!"

"Go for it."

Zelda laughed. "You guys are so cute."

"You are!" Dark exclaimed. "So can I come?"

"Of course, Dark. That's the point. Everyone's coming."

"Everyone?" Link repeated.

"Yeah, the whole group. You, me, Dark, Malon, Anju, Kafei, Ralph, and Nayru."

"Even Nayru?" Dark said. He was too tired to keep the petulant tone out of his voice.

"Yes, Dark. I know you don't like her, but the rest of us do and she's Ralph's girlfriend."

"Who said I don't like her? I like her fine. She just… She wasn't _there_."

"So you're never going to be friends with people who weren't there? That's not fair."

"I didn't say that…"

"Then what?"

Dark sunk back down behind the back of the couch.

"Dark!"

"Nuffin. Never mind. I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid. I just don't understand. If you have a legitimate reason for not wanting Nayru to come along of course I'll listen."

"She knows!" he exclaimed, popping up like a Jack-in-the-Box. "She knows everything that happened to us, happened to _me_, and she wasn't even there! And I know it's not her fault she's just good at reading people or whatever, and she's never pretended to understand or tried to talk to me about stuff I don't want to talk about… It just bothers me." He sunk back down, leaning on the couch. "And it's not 'cause I'm jealous 'cause I'm not. Not in any specific way anyway."

It was Zelda's turn to pat him on the head. "You just need time."

"Everybody keeps saying that and it doesn't make it any better."

"Sorry honey."

"Mnngle…" He shoved himself to his feet. "I'm going back to sleep."

"In your bed!" Link ordered. "And, wait, aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I got someone to cover for me."

"Was it Kafei?"

"Maybe."

"You gotta stop pushing him around."

"But it's so _easy_." He grinned.

"I don't think he really minds," Zelda said. "He _likes_ having something to complain about."

"That's not it." Dark shook his head. "He just wants his friends to like him so he does whatever they say. The complaining is a front for his naturally submissive nature."

Link blinked at him. "The hell?"

Dark grinned again, sheepishly. "I've been reading some psychology books… It's interesting."

"Wow. I am terrified to think of what would happen if you ever became a therapist."

"Meh," he waved a hand. "Half the junior high comes to me with their problems already. I guess it's my own fault for starting those weekly Q and A sessions. Still, _someone_ has to teach those kids that the donkey punch is a profoundly stupid idea."

Dark yawned and stretched, tight black belly shirt hitching up over his ribs, oversized black pants drooping over bony hips to reveal pink bikini briefs. "Whelp, I'm off to bed. You kids have fun."

Link and Zelda watched him go, incredulous looks on both their faces.

"Well…" Zelda said after a moment. "At least he's teaching them to be accepting of…alternate lifestyles."

"If 'poor and slutty' is a lifestyle, sure. The donkey punch _is_ a profoundly stupid idea though, I'll give him that."

"What is it? I've heard it on TV but they never really explained it."

"Yeah…uh… I'm gonna leave this one up to Wikipedia."

"Fair enough."

They sat in silence for a while, trying to remember what was TV show they were watching.

"You know the only part that might be a problem?" Link said.

"What?"

"Getting Navi to let me and Dark take three weeks off."

"She'll probably just be glad to get the both of you out of her hair."

"Good point."

zzz

In the end, it took a double-pair of puppy eyes to get Navi to agree, though she did brandish a Triforce pendant at them and quote Dracula. Dark even, somehow, got her to let them off early the weekend before so they could do some shopping.

"But we don't need anything," Link pointed out, afterward.

"What's your point?"

They decided to make a day of it, calling up the usual crowd and seeing who could come. An hour later, Link, Dark, Zelda, Malon, Ralph and Nayru all gathered at the mall and compared battle strategies.

"Item one is new swimsuits," Malon said.

"Don't you girls already have swimsuits?" Link asked.

"Yes but now we're getting new ones."

"Oh…kay…"

"Item two is kicky sandals," Zelda said. "You buys will probably want to make a stop at the food court when we get to that."

"Probably," Ralph agreed.

"Item three," Nayru said, "is sunglasses, hair ties, and other summer accessories."

"More food court?" Link suggested.

"Hey, I need sunglasses too!" Dark said.

"Yeah, but how long will it take you to pick them out?"

"I 'unno. Five, ten minutes?"

"Exactly."

"Oh."

"Item four," Malon said, "is clothes. And that's the last item because it will take the rest of the day. And you boys aren't getting out of it either. Ralph you've been wearing that sweatshirt for six months."

"What? I like it!"

"It's summer! Aren't you hot?"

"There's air-conditioning in here."

"We're buying you some t-shirts."

"_Fine_."

"So is that it then?" Zelda scanned the group. The girls nodded and the guys exchanged wary glances. "Ready… Break!"

The next few hours were filled with short bursts of activity and long bouts of boredom. Even Malon, being the most down-to-earth of the females present, pointed out that it should not take twenty minutes to try on three bathing suits. Finally, the girls just agreed to let the guys go and look on their own.

"As long as Dark buys real actual trunks and not a g-string," Zelda ordered.

"Why do you ask me to make promises you know I won't keep?"

Link and Ralph managed to appease Dark by finding him a pair of trunks with a samurai on them, but even the fun of playing "Distract the Spaz" didn't last.

"I want a cell phone," Dark announced. "Let's go annoy those dudes in the booth."

"Which booth? There's, like, nine."

"Whichever's closest I guess. They all kind of look alike. With their preppy shirts and ties… And neat haircuts and dashing good looks…" he trailed off, sighing.

"Okay, we've lost him." Link rolled his eyes. "Dark? Honey? How are you gonna afford a phone anyway?"

"Mnn?" He blinked a few times. "Oh. Oh! Right. Damn."

"What would you use it for anyway?"

"Calling people! And having them call me! I don't like telling people I meet in clubs that I can't give them my number because my roommate is afraid of answering it and hearing one of his old teachers."

"Hey, that only has to happen once before you start dreading it."

"But if I had my own phone, I wouldn't have to go out every weekend to find company, I could sit around and wait for it to come to me!"

"So instead of a streetwalker you'd be a call girl."

Dark winced. "Not cool, man. You know how I feel about prostitution. Sex is fun, and it shouldn't be a chore or against someone's will or…" He trailed off again, this time that haunted look crossing his face.

Quickly, Ralph jumped in. "Would you want one of those music phones? Or with a camera?"

"Oh, um," Dark shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I've got a Polaroid. And a radio. And Zelda's iPod that I 'borrowed' a while back."

"She wants that back you know," Link said. "Even if it's just so she can copy the music to a new one."

"Hey, I stole it fair and square! If she wants it back she can rassle me for it."

"She could probably take you. You're skin and bones, you know that right?"

"Exercise is boring _and_ hard! Two things that should not go together!"

"You could at least eat better. Pop rocks aren't food!"

"They _should_ be."

In another area of the store, the girls were talking about what most girls talk about when their men are not present. Men.

"Dark doesn't like me," Nayru said flatly.

"Nonsense!" Zelda exclaimed. "Dark likes everyone!"

"Maybe 'like' was the wrong word," Nayru admitted. "But he resents me."

"Why would he? That's silly. He and Ralph are good friends, I know he likes seeing Ralph happy."

"It's not so much that I'm dating Ralph, although that doesn't help. He would have resented me even if I just became friends with you guys. I'm an interloper."

"Nayru…"

"It's okay," she waved a hand. "I just wanted to make sure you guys knew. I'm sure eventually Dark and I will have some kind of experience together that will make him consider me a friend. But until then, I'll just keep on being friendly and unobtrusive."

The other two girls stared at her.

"Oh right…" Malon said after a moment. "I keep forgetting you're psychic."

"I'm not psychic! I just… I look at people and I know what their feeling."

"And that's not psychic?"

"That's observant."

"Ralph's the same way, remember?" Zelda said. "It's like…empathic? Or something?"

"Or something," Nayru agreed. "I don't know how to explain it. I… I see the way people move, what they do with their hands or their eyes, and I know."

"That would be handy."

She snorted. "You'd think…"

The cell phone guys were getting impatient. Dark had spent the first ten minutes flirting with the blond one with the slicked-back hair. When that guy had gotten fed up and started muttering about the Marquis de Sade, the short one with the ridiculous braid took over. He proved harder to break.

Somehow, Dark made it away with a small black sliver of technology and merely forty less for his dollars.

"Now I need to buy a dangly sparkly thing to hang on it, and assign individual ringtones to each one of my friends. I'm thinking Malon is 'Fat-Bottomed Girls' although don't tell her that, and Zelda is 'Sister Golden Hair,' and Link? You're 'Holding Out for a Hero.'"

"Fair enough," Link agreed. "But how are you going to do that?"

"Huh? I don't know. Don't I just push buttons?"

"Only a few tones actually _come_ with your phone. And you need to pay for licensed songs."

Dark stared at the phone for a long moment. "I'm confused," he announced.

"We could go back and ask?"

"No way. That blond dude will eat my eyes."

"Well I don't know how to do it. I don't even have a cell phone."

"Ralph?" Dark turned pleading eyes on him.

"Hey don't look at me. My ringtone is 'Flight of the Bumblebee.' Just look it up online later."

Dark made a face. "I'm scared of computers."

"Oh come on! Dark, computers are a huge part of today's culture. How are you gonna keep up with celebrity gossip or read geeky comics if you can't use a computer?"

"There are comics on computers?"

Ralph slapped his forehead. "Yes! Lots! For free! And five or six of them are actually worth reading. Not to mention email and music downloads and goofy videos of prairie dogs."

"Aw man."

"We need to teach you how to use a computer. You are not an old man."

"Considering I _was_ alive during the sixties, I think I should be exempt."

"Do you have any idea how many ex-hippies have websites now?"

Dark blinked. "Lllllllllllllllllllllots?"

"Yes."

"Aw man…"

"Personally," Link said, "I don't think Dark needs to be exposed to the internet. Given the vast amounts of stupidity and perversion… I mean, I like the internet, it's cool to know there are people out there who can answer every question about Transformers I might ever have… but I don't like knowing there are also people who draw Transformers porn."

Dark burst out laughing. "They have that?"

"In copious amounts."

"Awesome."

"Not awesome!" Link shook his head. "Come on! You already take pop culture way too seriously, and make jokes no one else understands. I'm really afraid that if you get on the internet you'll start speaking in numbers or something."

"Like the Matrix?"

"No…not really."

"'Cause the first one was good but then I think the movie-maker dudes just got silly. Sort of like Pirates of the Carribean. Good movies just don't _need_ sequels!"

"And if you go on the internet, you can spend five hours arguing that with a thirteen-year-old girl who is convinced Jack and Will were having sex every time they weren't onscreen."

"Well now that's just silly," Dark said. "Although Jack totally boned that what's-his-face guy. The one who branded him? Totally."

"Right…"

"I should get a Pirates of the Caribbean ringtone! That was some good music there."

"There's still the little matter of _how_."

"Um, guys?" Ralph interrupted. "Lookit." He pointed at a storefront less then ten feet away, filled with silver and black squares and blue computer screens. It was tiny, hardly bigger then the booth, and the bright yellow words above the opening read 'Ringtones Out the Yin-Yang.'

"Dude seriously?" Dark said. "That's a store?"

"Sure seems that way. Do we check it out?"

"Are you kidding? If only to make fun of the name."

zzz

"Are you sure this thing is a good idea, Zel?" Malon asked. "I mean, the whole group of us going on vacation."

"Why wouldn't it be? You and Anju came last year, remember?"

"Yeah but it was just three of us, and just a week. We spent the whole time lying around on the beach and flirting with that guy with the mullethawk."

"He was cute."

"Flaming though."

"Yeah."

They both sighed.

"It's just gonna be weird," Malon said. "Everyone except for me and Dark has a significant other."

"We'll still hang out in groups and stuff! We'll have girl's nights."

"Yeah but… it's still gonna be weird."

"So you don't want to go?"

"I didn't say that!" Malon exclaimed. "I guess I'll just hit the clubs with Dark."

"Dark doesn't stay at the clubs very long…if you know what I mean."

"I do. I can get him to promise to keep me company."

"You think so?"

"It's not that hard. Link says he hasn't been as…active as he was before."

"Yeah well, he is traumatized. Plus he's been uh," she coughed. "Busy. You know. With…things."

Malon cocked her head, and Nayru choked suddenly.

"What?" Malon said.

"No, nothing! Nothing." She was grinning.

"You _know_ something."

"Yes but it's not because I'm psychic." Still grinning.

"Not one word," Zelda warned. "It's not what you're thinking anyway."

"No? You sure?"

"Yes! And stop smiling!"

"I'm trying but I can't."

zzz

Link was trying very hard not to bang his head against the wall. "Just pick 'It's My Life' and be done with it."

"I can't use that!" Dark exclaimed. "To hear it every time someone calls, let alone a watered down snippet, would lower the effect of the overall song! Degrading it and its message to 'Samson isn't busy tonight.'"

"Who the hell is Samson?"

"Big bald bouncer at the nightclub."

"Why would you want him calling?"

"Link... He is _huge_. And I'm not just talking about-"

"Everyone knows what you're talking about, Dark." Link winced.

"_Why am I still standing here_?" Ralph exclaimed desperately.

"Why are any of us?" Link said. "Why are we _doing_ this?"

"Because I only have enough money for one song, and it is going to be a good one," Dark growled.

"Why don't we just buy you more sunglasses? I thought you _liked_ sunglasses."

"Nah. I like regular glasses better. They're cuter. That whole nerdy look really does it for me."

"Doesn't everything do it for you?"

"No! Just _most_ things. And you can't blame me for my sex drive. These are _your_ hormones."

"At least I know how to keep my mouth shut about it."

Dark scratched his cheek. "Okay, yeah, I'll give you that."

"Let's just go," Ralph said. "We've got to find the girls again, and it's not like you can't come back."

"Another good point." Dark looked at his cell phone wistfully. "All right, fine, let's go. I should probably learn how to use this thing before I go changing things about it."

"See? I knew you could learn sense."

"The dude at the counter over there is glaring at us anyway." Dark waved at him. "Yes! We were talking about gay sex!"

"Okay, out." Link grabbed his double's sleeve and pulled him out of the store.

The group reconvened in the food court, hands full and wallets empty. The girls had recovered from their respective attacks of estrogen and were having a civilized conversation about Star Wars when the guys approached.

"We ready?" Zelda asked.

"We ready," Link agreed. "Let's get out of here before Dark bites someone."

"I'm just saying! Airplanes!"

"Yes, honey."

Nayru giggled and Zelda shot her a Look.

"Let's go."

"You know who I feel sorry for?" Malon asked as they headed for the exit. "Kafei. He missed all this, and now Anju is gonna drag him shopping."

"Kafei likes shopping," Ralph said. "If anything, Anju will be the one who winds up bored."

"All you guys are incredibly femme, you know that right?"

"Hey, you should see us when we're alone together. Zelda remembers, from when she was one of the guys. Doncha Zel?"

"Oh yeah." She rolled her eyes. "It's all boobs and arm-punching."

"See? Plenty manly."

"Right. Just like your poster of Matthew McConaughey."

Ralph glared at her. "Th- that doesn't count! I liked the movie!"

"What movie is it a poster of?"

"Oh…um… It's the one where- Wait." His shoulders slumped. "Okay, I admit defeat. He's just nice to look at."

Nayru patted him on the back. "And there's nothing wrong with that."

"I just wanted you to admit it," Zelda said. "Personally, I like that you guys aren't alpha male all the time."

"I don't think we're _allowed_ to be. Link's bi, I've experimented, Kafei spends more on hair products then gas, and Dark… Dark's practically a woman anyway."

"I am not!" Dark exclaimed. "You can't judge me by regular standards, since I'm not even human."

"There is that."

"And I am working on the slut thing. It…doesn't make me happy the way it used to." He shrugged. "I don't know if it's the trauma, or just the fact that I'm probably _not_ going to die tomorrow. Any more."

"How's that going for you?"

"I am not good at long-term planning, I did learn that."

"That's something."

"Also, conserving water does not mean I can walk in on Link in the shower. Without his permission."

"Also something."

Link punched his arm. "And you will learn that lesson every morning until it sticks."

"You didn't have to kick me in the face! I didn't even know you could kick that high!"

"You _scared_ me!"

"I'm just saying, I'm impressed."

"Oh… Thank you. Yeah, that took practice."

"Will you teach me?"

"Will you buy actual workout pants?"

"You know how I feel about polyester."

"Right… Not going to happen then. You okay with that?"

"Waves of trauma wash across my being even now."

"Dark, you're quoting Star Control 2."

"And you _recognized_ it!"

zzz

A hundred miles away, someone was having a lot less fun. They were low on gas, out of snacks, three hours behind on their travel schedule, and now the hitchhiker they'd picked up had a gun to their head.

"Just pull over to the side," he said, almost cheerfully. "You can take all your stuff with you, no problem. But I will need you to leave your keys. All of them."

"O- okay." The driver, hands shaking, obeyed. There wasn't much space, but the teenage boy with the gun didn't seem like he would listen to reason.

The boy climbed over the seat as soon as the driver opened his door, sliding behind the wheel while somehow still keeping the gun in vaguely the right direction. He took a handful of change out of the ashtray and held it out with his free hand. The driver took it, confused.

"For the pay phone," the boy explained. "For when you call the police."

"I- I have a cell phone?"

"Yeah. About that. You wanna put that on the ground for me please?"

The man did, and almost before his hand was away the boy fired. Twice.

"Take care of yourself!" the boy said. "Don't get in any strange vehicles!"

And with that he sped off.

The man stood there for a while, watching the lights of his car. He took a deep breath, gathered the remains of his cell phone, and started walking in the opposite direction the boy had gone. Mentally, he began composing a description of his attacker. Teenage, male, long hair, dark eyes that may have been red. Yeah…

When he saw the lights disappear into an off-ramp, the man sent up a silent prayer that the residents of Lake Town would handle the kid better then he had.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Author's Notes

Welcome welcome welcome! This is the sequel to "The Weekly Hyrule News," an alternate-universe modern day Zelda fic. A lot of things happened in it, and pretty much if you want to understand this one AT ALL you should read that one first. Sorry.

I don't have a lot to day about this really, I was just kind of setting up. Here's our characters, here's what's going to happen, let's go. The only thing you should keep in mind, is a famous quote.

"If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." From Gurlyand's _Reminiscences of A. P. Chekhov, in Teatr i iskusstvo _1904 No 28, 11 July, p. 521.'

And mostly I am quoting that to see if I can get you all speculating wildly, but it's a good quote anyway and I really do try to keep it in mind when I write.

Oh yeah, minor note. The last story's chapters were all supposed to be titles of articles in the magazine from which the story got its name. The titles in this fic, including the title OF the fic, are all real life songs, that may or may not have anything to do with the chapter in question. Speculate away!


	2. Highway to Hell

**Chapter 2. Highway to Hell**

The van gleamed.

Freshly waxed, deep blue, with a tan interior so clean it would put Howard Hughes to shame. Brand-new satellite radio, speakers everywhere, and a DVD player in the ceiling. A moon roof.

"It's pretty," Dark said. "But could it slay a dragon?"

"Probably not," Kafei admitted.

"'Cause your old van slayed a dragon."

"I know." He sighed. "Well, this one's a hybrid. So it's, like…helping to save the planet?"

Dark considered this for a while. "Yeah, that works. It's still a shame your old van didn't survive."

"Yeah," Kafei sighed again, dejectedly.

"We could have called it your plus nine van of dragon-slaying. Or… George."

"Why George?"

"Oh, it was an old legend in this other world I visited once." He cocked his head thoughtfully. "Saint George and the dragon, I think. I never heard the whole story, but everyone in that world automatically knows what you're thinking of if you mention dragons and George."

"What does 'saint' mean? Is that a title?"

"I have no idea. It was a neat world though. A lot like this one. Even some of the celebrities had the same names! Makes you wonder about the nature of causality." He frowned. "I never did finish Snake Eater…"

Dark wandered off, mumbling about time paradoxes and bees, while the other guys gathered around the van.

"Standard engine?" Ralph asked.

"'Fraid so."

"Automatic?" Link asked.

"You wish."

Link made a face. "Lots of people can't drive a stick. It's not my fault I'm left-handed."

"No, but it entitles me to make fun of you."

"Lick me."

"I've just got one question," Ralph said. "Where do you keep _getting_ these things?"

"One of my uncles, when he was younger, was one of those guys who…you know… drive around in vans. Is there a word for those guys?"

"I don't know. There should be."

"Well, he knows guys, who know guys, who know about vans. So…yeah."

"There's a problem with that explanation," Link said.

"What?"

"This is a soccer mom van."

"Yeah… yeah it is," Kafei agreed.

"I don't think teenagers in the seventies drove soccer mom vans."

"No, but they do now."

"And so do you, Kafei. Congratulations, you're a soccer mom."

"I have a van with a DVD player in it. You can call me whatever you want."

"Soccer mom."

zzz

Zelda wasn't surprised by the phone call, and somehow that was the most depressing thing of all. The only thing she could count on, it seemed, was that her parents couldn't be counted on.

"They're not coming, are they?" Impa said when she hung up.

"No. There's some mess with Labrynna."

"Mm, saw that on the news. Apparently they're blaming Hyrule for a giant centipede that took up residence in one of their mountains."

"But…that _was_ kind of our fault."

"You could always send your boyfriend to get rid of it."

"Screw that, we're going on vacation! They've got guns and police and shit, they can handle it."

"Do you want me to tell the king that?"

"Tell him what you want. I'm going to be on vacation."

"Oh no." Impa stood up. "No way. You kids are not going on vacation alone. I'm coming."

"Impa! We can take care of ourselves. Saved the world, remember?"

"You got lucky. Besides, that shadow boy helped."

"He's coming too."

"Now I'm _definitely_ going with you."

"Impa!"

"It's just not safe. Even if you weren't the princess, teenagers should not be left on their own for three weeks."

"Link and Ralph and Anju are all eighteen."

"That doesn't make a difference."

"Dark is like four hundred!"

"He's also a mentally unstable _manwhore_."

"He doesn't do that anymore! As much…"

"I'm going."

Zelda glared at her for a moment, then picked up the phone again.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling someone."

"I can _see_ that, but-"

Zelda held out a hand to silence her and put the phone to her ear. "Hi, Auru! I _thought_ today was your day off."

Impa sank back into her chair. "Oh goddesses no…"

"Yeah see I'm going on vacation in a couple days, so Impa's going to have time off."

"No I'm _not_," Impa groaned.

"Three weeks. Yeah, I know. Because she _does_. Look, we both know she needs to relax. Okay. Okay. Oh, Lake Town. You do?" She covered the mouthpiece and grinned at her bodyguard. "Impa, he knows somebody in Lake Town."

"Good for him." Impa covered her face in her hands.

"Yeah it's gonna be the whole group of us. His name is Dark. Yeah he…does that to everybody, sorry. Okay cool, sounds great. You're the best Auru. So long."

"Princess," Impa muttered through her hands. "Please tell me you did not just do that."

"Oh I did."

"You called the guy I like."

"I called the guy you like."

Impa slumped over the table. "I am not in high school…"

"Then you should be mature enough to tell the guy you like that you like him."

"He's old enough to be my _father_."

"When you reach a certain age that really doesn't matter."

Impa sat up suddenly. "I am _not_ a 'certain age.'"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean it like _that_."

"It's all beside the point anyway, because you aren't going on vacation alone."

"Auru has tickets for Blue Oyster Cult."

Impa stared at her for a moment. "R- really?"

"Yuh-huh. Next weekend."

"So that's… the twelfth?"

"Yuh-huh."

"That's… Umm…"

"So I'm gonna call the hotel and tell them to take two people off the list."

"Yeah… Okay."

"Cool."

zzz

The rest of the gang were much more surprised that Zelda's parents had bailed, but they couldn't hide their relief.

"Sorry Zel," Malon said. "Your parents are kind of…intimidating. What with _running the country_ and all."

"I am pretty sure I would get deported if I even _looked_ at your parents," Dark added. "I wouldn't even have to look at them. Be in the same_town_ as them."

"I'm finding it hard to disagree," Zelda admitted.

"So we're going to be at the lake for three weeks with no adult supervision?" Malon asked.

"Yup."

"Wow. That would be a lot cooler if it wasn't, like, my life."

"Yeah," Link, Dark and Kafei said in unison.

"We're all going to die," Ralph said.

The others turned and stared at him. "What?" Link said. "Why?"

"Haven't you noticed? It's this _destiny_ crap again. Like the universe is conspiring to get us to this town, without anyone who might want to protect us because of our age. Not to mention the stuff that's been on the news."

"What's been on the news?"

"You didn't see?"

"Are you kidding? I don't watch the news."

"Why not?"

"I'm… eighteen."

"Well there have been a lot of stories lately out of Lake Town. And that's weird, because Lake Town is half on Zora territory which means news crews have to get the permission of two separate governments if they want to film there. So there's almost never any stories from there. But there have been three in the last week!"

The group was still staring at him.

"People have been seeing weird things lurking around the old temple on the lake. And a girl disappeared."

"Oh," Link said. "Well that's bad."

"Yeah! And we're all going there!"

Everyone thought for a while.

"Is it Ganon?" Dark asked in a small voice. "Because if it's Ganon I am going to go just jump off a building right now _I swear to the gods_."

"Dark, no!" Zelda exclaimed. "No, if it was Ganon we would _know_. There haven't been any more monsters appearing at night, and you don't…hear him any more, do you?"

"No." He took a deep breath. "No, you're right. I panicked there for a sec."

"Okay, just…stay away from roofs."

"Link stole my shoelaces yesterday."

"You will get them back when you stop sneaking into my room at night!" Link snapped.

"I can't help it if I'm a cuddler!"

"We need to get you a body pillow."

"Or a girlfriend," Zelda said.

"I keep telling you guys! My brain isn't wired for long-term relationships!"

"And yet you adopt siblings on a weekly basis."

"That's different…"

"How so?"

"I… don't know."

The arrangements for the vacation had to be adapted; since Zelda's parents weren't going she wanted to be more independent. The hotel had already been arranged; four rooms for eight people, and Kefei's van sat six.

"It's a four-hour drive to Lake Town," Kafei said. He'd plotted the course out on a map, complete with little yellow stickers at convenient rest stops. "That's a lot of time to spend confined with people, even just a couple. I think we should split into two groups. Or maybe even three."

"No, two is good," Zelda said. "I guess it really just depends on who thinks they can survive four hours of Dark singing along with the radio."

"I promise not to sing if I can ride in Kafei's van and watch movies."

"But then you'll just be doing commentary the whole time," Kafei said. "Besides, I can't take another viewing of Spinal Tap."

"Philistine."

"What if I burn a CD for the trip?" Ralph suggested. "Stuff we won't go crazy listening to."

"That might work."

"Okay so Kafei and Ralph have volunteered to ride with Dark." Zelda made a note.

"Hey!"

"Sorry Kafei, that's the way it goes. That's five people left. Link's riding with me."

"Do I get a choice in that?" Link asked.

"Why, do you _not_ want to ride with me?"

"Not if I'm going to be the only guy in the car."

"Okay, got a point there."

"Me, Anju and Nayru can all ride together," Malon suggested. "And you and Link can have some alone time."

"Yeah, in the _car_." Link rolled his eyes. "What can we do in- Oh."

Zelda grinned. "You are so cute when you're naïve."

"This trip is gonna be awesome!" Dark crowed.

zzz

_Three days later_

"That trip was awesome," Link grinned, climbing out of the rented sedan.

Zelda followed, an identical grin on her face. "An hour off Kafei's schedule, but totally worth it."

"Oh, totally."

"When did we lose him, anyway?"

"Like an hour into it. He was doing that drive-like-a-grandma thing that he does when he's pissed off."

"Ah. Guess Dark got to him sooner then we'd thought." She took in the parking lot of the hotel. "Okay, there's that white Stanza Nayru was driving. But where's Kafei's van?"

"Maybe they went off the road?"

"Not funny."

"I'm not laughing."

They exchanged a glance.

"Let's just…get checked in."

"Yeah."

They found Malon, Anju, and Nayru waiting in the lobby, and immediately got lectured in stereo for making them worry. Malon grabbed Zelda and dragged her upstairs to arrange their room, leaving Link alone with the two other girls.

"So, uh, any word from Kafei?"

"Not here," Anju said. "I was hoping you were together."

"No, we lost him pretty quickly. He was going really slow. I'm just hoping nobody got shanked."

"Don't worry, I took his leatherman before we left."

Nayru jerked her thumb toward the closest doors. "Should we go stand around and wait for them?"

"Might as well. Wouldn't feel right going exploring until everyone's here."

Lake Town was, for all outward appearances, a tourist town. There were boardwalks, tacky shops, carts selling food and cheap toys, and benches every few feet. Link, Anju, and Nayru found one close to the hotel and settled down to people-watch. It was easy to spot the locals, the ones who stared straight ahead and knew exactly where they were going. They were about fifty-fifty Zoras and humans. Tourists traveled in packs, cameras around their necks and protruding from pockets, shopping bags clutched in their hands. And _they_ were almost entirely human. There were a surprising number of goths and scenesters on the streets, sneering at the norms. They all seemed to be heading in the same direction, toward what Link assumed was downtown.

Malon and Zelda came back down after just a few minutes and found the others easily enough. Nayru immediately suggested checking out the club scene, and Zelda just as quickly shot her down.

"It's the middle of the afternoon! Maybe once it gets dark, if we're all not too tired."

"Besides," Malon said. "I thought we were doing a girls' night."

"We can do both!"

"I vote no," Link said. "If only because I would like to make it easier for Dark to keep his promise."

"Promise?" Zelda's ears perked up. "What promise?"

"That he wouldn't just use this trip as an excuse to, um, find new partners."

Zelda blinked. "You mean, no whoring?"

"Basically, yeah." Link shrugged. "He wants to change, he said so himself. He just needs someone to give him an ultimatum. Three weeks with no sex should do… _something_."

"Is Dark even capable of going three weeks without sex?"

"I guess we're going to find out."

The laws of narrative convenience declared that the perfect moment for Kafei's van to appear around the corner. He was still going slowly, giving his friends plenty of time to pile off the bench and head back into the hotel parking lot to meet them.

No one was really surprised when the side door of the van burst open before it had come to a stop, and Dark lept out, singing at the top of his lungs.

"Can anybody find me…" He did a spin, and landed with his finger pointed out toward the sidewalk. "Somebody to…" He sank to his knees and pulled his hands down over his face. "Looooooooooove…"

Ralph climbed out after him, laughing and applauding, then shoved him on the back of his head. "Out of the road."

"I'm going, I'm going. Bah."

Link was grinning as his brother approached. "How many times did you sing that song in a row?"

"Like nineteen."

"I figured."

"Come get your bags!" Kafei shouted.

Everyone dutifully trooped over to the van and helped to carry suitcases and duffel bags into the hotel. Three weeks was a long time, and they had all wound up with a lot of luggage.

Dark claimed a bed in his and Link's room and threw himself face down on it.

"Come on," Link tapped on the wall. "We're gonna go wander. See what good stuff is within walking distance."

Dark mumbled something into his pillow.

"Dark?"

"Sorry." He rolled his head to the side. "I'm really tired all of a sudden. It's weird."

"Long car trips mess with your head sometimes. We'll get you a slurpee or something."

"Man, you know how sugar affects me."

"It'll wake you up. Come on, I can't just leave you alone up here."

Dark covered his eyes with one arm and waked the other and Link. "I'll be fine. I'll order a porno."

"Now I _have_ to get you out." Link grabbed the offending arm and yanked. "Move it! Come on!"

"Awww…"

Link actually had to drag him bodily out of the room and to the elevator, but the muzak cheered him up and by the time they reached the lobby he was his typical happy self.

"You are so easy," Link laughed.

"I really am."

The group moved out into the dimming streets, making mental notes on all the restaurants and interesting-looking shops. The lake itself was huge, filling the horizon, the barest smudge of green visible on the other side. Near the edge, on the right, a few pillars and a square block rose from the water. It was an old temple, Link thought he remembered, from before the Great Flood. It had some kind of historical or mystical significance, but no one could really properly examine it without also tearing large portions of it down. There was a hiking trail that went near it, and Anju at least seemed pretty excited about checking it out.

"There's a lot of old temples and shrines around here," Anju said. "Because there was a lake here before the Great Flood too, and people always set up cities and stuff around water sources."

"Are we going to have to learn?" Ralph asked, eyes narrowing. "This is summer. We're not supposed to be learning."

"You don't have to learn if you don't want to. But _I_ want to see if they do any tours. Or maybe there's some books or something written by locals."

"It's a tourist town," Zelda said. "Of _course_ they do tours."

"I hope so!"

"Anju!" Dark looked at her, a new light sparking in his eyes. "I didn't know you were a nerd!"

"No." Link grabbed his ear firmly.

"Ow! Hey! I didn't do anything!"

"You didn't have to."

Dark jerked his head away and pouted. "Give me a _little_ credit."

"Just nipping it in the bud."

"Feh." He folded his arms and pouted for a few steps. As they passed an alley he froze, sniffing the air.

"Dark?"

"You smell that?"

"No."

"You didn't even try!"

Link sighed, and everyone sniffed that air.

"Smells like any other alley," Malon said. "Beer and cigarettes."

"Clove cigarettes," Dark corrected. "And," he poked at something on the ground with his toe. "Black lipstick. Goths!"

"Oh no," Link groaned.

"They must have a gathering place somewhere in this town. Maybe a club! And if there's a goth club, there are probably other clubs too!"

"That's what your little Sherlock Holmes moment was about?" Malon asked. "Finding goths?"

"Well, not just goths. I like all the various subcultures. Goths are just one of the more common ones, and they have really sexy clothes."

"Of course."

He grinned. "You'll go clubbing with me, won't you Malon?"

"Let me think about it. No."

"Link?"

"Not a chance. Not after last time."

"People get hit on in bars! It happens!"

"That was not…" He shook his head. "Never mind."

"Just bring Zelda. As long as the two of you cling to each other the whole time, no one will try to lure you away."

"No."

"Isn't that up to me?" Zelda asked.

Link winced. "Trust me. You don't want to be there. When people see me and Dark together…"

"What, because you look so much alike?"

"Oh, is _that_ what's bothering you?" Dark laughed. "That was just because everyone in that club already knew me. They knew I was always up for a group project, so they assumed you were too."

"It wouldn't bother me if it was just threesomes or whatever!" Link exclaimed. "It's just…they had _scripts_."

"Yeah… Okay, maybe that was a bit much for your first time. Sorry. But," he waved his arms frantically, "you can't just give up on clubbing altogether! It's so much fun to go out and dance and talk to people and stuff! And it's not even about the drinking because you know I can't do that!"

"Yeah but you seem to have fun wherever you go. What if it's not your type of club? Like, a college jock type place."

"That wouldn't matter. It's not the place that's fun, it's the people! I bring the party with me! If I let a little thing like music or décor get in the way, I wouldn't enjoy myself at all. And what would be the point in that?" He jabbed Kafei in the shoulder. "You gotta make your own fun."

"What ya poking me for?"

"No reason." Dark grinned.

"Leave me alone."

"No. Hey! You should go clubbing with me!"

"Are you _brain damaged_? No way."

"It'll be great! Link told me how you always want to go to bars and stuff."

"I was in a rebellious phase. I'm over it now. Especially since it didn't get my parents' attention anyway."

"Yeah, but… There must be something…" Dark scanned the alley quickly. "Look! Live music! You'd like to see a band, wouldn't you?" He peered at the flier. "Wait, I think I've heard of these guys somewhere."

"We're moving Dark!" Link called.

"Coming!" He ran after the group, leaving the flier stuck to the wall with gum. They walked around for another hour before heading back to the hotel, stopping to grab some food on the way. They all had lists of things to check out the next day, and over the days to come, and were optimistic about not running out of things to do _too_ quickly.

It wasn't until they were all back in the hotel and flipping through the channels in Zelda and Malon's room, that Dark remembered to ask, "Hey Link? Who are the Indi-Go-Gos?"

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AN:

FINALLY! Arrgh. Sorry. You'd think I would be BETTER at chapters that are mostly dialogue. Next chapter will introduce at least one new character, and possibly have some more hints about the plot. We'll also get a glimpse at some of the shadow powers Dark wasn't able to use in the last fic.

I don't think I have any commentary for this one, except that you didn't REALLY think I was going to bring Zelda's parents along, did you? I'd have to make up NAMES for them!


	3. I Don't Like Mondays

**Chapter 3. I Don't Like Mondays**

Link rolled over and opened his eyes. There was sunlight streaming through the window, completely unhindered by the thin curtains. He stretched his legs and kicked off the covers, somewhat surprised to find himself alone in the bed.

But Dark seemed content, for once, to stay on his side of the room. That was actually a little worrying. Dark had been subdued since arriving in Lake Town, and for anyone who knew him this was a huge warning sign. They were on _vacation_. They were supposed to be having _fun_. This should be like coming home, to Dark.

Link checked the clock, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and threw a pillow at his double.

"Wake up! It's daytime."

Dark muttered something and scrunched up into a ball.

"Come on, get up, we were all going to go out for breakfast, remember?"

"No," Dark answered. He pulled the covers over his head.

Frowning, Link crawled over his own bed to shake Dark's shoulder. "Hey, are you feeling okay?"

"'M jus' tired." He pulled the covers down enough to flash a reassuring grin. "I was tired yesterday too."

"Yeah, and that's why you went to bed at nine. You've been sleeping for eleven hours."

"I… Huh. Okay." Dark shoved the covers off completely and sat up, staring blearily around the room. "Nine? Really?"

"Really. You kind of passed out." Link reached out and felt Dark's forehead. "Are you sure you-"

"I'm fine, really. I just sort of forgot food for longer then I usually do. I'll be fine."

"Well, okay, if you're sure." He stood up and stretched. "I'm gonna shower. You coming?"

"Yeah, sure." He copied Link's movements and started to follow him into the tiny bathroom, then yelped as something went BA-_LEEP_.

"Holy crap!" he exclaimed, diving toward his pile of clothes and digging through it until he found his cell phone. "Dammit, this thing always scares me!"

"Isn't that the noise it makes when it's done charging?"

"Yeah but I found out how to mix around some of the settings…and then I forgot how I did it." He squinted at the screen. "Aw crap. I have to take this. You go on ahead."

Link shrugged. "Kay."

Showering together was not, quite, a part of their daily routine. But Dark liked it for some reason, probably because he so hated being alone, and Link had gotten used to it. He had been surprised to learn how good it felt to have someone else shampoo your head. And slightly less surprised when he had to stop Dark from _tasting_ the fruity shampoo he bought.

Sometimes it seemed like Dark _intentionally_ acted without thinking.

Without Dark, it took Link less then ten minutes to get clean. When he got out his double was sprawled across the bed, phone to his ear, gesturing at the ceiling.

"No no no, you _have_ to tell him. Because he'll think it's hot! No I am _not_ crazy, you proved that for me, remember? The fact is that, like, 95 percent of straight males would be _happy_ to learn that their girlfriends had a lesbian relationship in college." Dark nodded at Link as he passed him. "Isn't that right, Link?"

"Oh totally," Link agreed. "Who are you talking to?"

"My lawyer."

Link laughed and shook his head. Only Dark.

"Then he's not good enough for you anyway. I didn't _say_ that. Have you been drinking his coffee? I swear, that stuff can eat through metal. No. No. I didn't _say_ that!" Dark turned pleading eyes across the room. "Link! Back me up here!"

"I don't know what's going on," Link reminded him. "Where are my shoes?"

"I think they wound up behind the TV. You shouldn't wear shoes indoors anyway." He turned back to the phone. "Now you listen to me. What happened to the smooth confident woman my brother hired for me the first time I was wrongfully arrested for prostitution? Just because you're not a _single_ female lawyer anymore, you're not self-reliant? Are you going to give up the sexy miniskirts too? Your boyfriend probably _will_ have a problem with that."

Link threw a t-shirt at Dark's head.

"Why do you always throw things at me!" Dark wailed dramatically. "No, not you _gatita_. Look, I think the flying clothing means I'm supposed to hang up on you. Because I'm on vacation. Just call your sister, okay? She's, what, fourteen now? Old enough to know her sister was a LUG. If you really want to know what your boyfriend thinks about girl-on-girl, check his porn stash. And seriously, you need to stay away from that man's coffee. I can hear your heart racing over the _phone_. Okay. Okay. See ya when I get back." Finally, he pulled the phone away from his ear and hit the red button.

"Why do relationships turn normally strong people into quivering masses of jelly?"

Link shrugged. "That's love for ya. Highest highs and the lowest lows."

"Pfft. I'm kind of glad I can't feel it then."

"You sound like Ralph." Link grinned. "And you know what happened to him."

"Ah, that was just a coincidence."

"You seem to be forgetting just who you are, Dark." Link tapped himself on the chest. "My shadow. And I'm the chosen hero. Ralph was actually talking about this a couple days ago. There's no such thing as coincidence, in our lives. Not any more. Maybe not ever. Think about it. Ganon summoned you to Hyrule. You. The one shadow who happened to befriend my grandparents back when they were hippie kids. And you think that's a coincidence?"

Dark frowned. "I… I guess I never thought about it."

"The goddesses have a plan, Dark. They always say that in the temples, but it's true."

Dark laughed. "When did you get religious on me?"

"I 'unno." Link pulled a t-shirt over his head. "But it's true all the same."

"You're probably right… Everything that's happened to us, there's too much of it interconnecting and whatever to just be chance."

"Right. Which is why, after breakfast, I am going to track down and _tackle_ Mikau."

"Neat. Can I come?"

"'Course. I want to see his face when he meets you."

The group met in the hallway and managed to all cram into one elevator to the lobby. It stopped on two floors before they got there, and each time the people wanted to get on just stared at the box full of teenagers in dismay. The laughter probably didn't help.

They got more looks when they hit the streets. This was normal, with Princess Zelda heading the pack. Link was recognizable too, now, since the tabloids had started covering his and Zelda's relationship. And Dark, well, Dark always got looks.

"Where are we going?" Ralph asked. "And why aren't we hitting up the continental breakfast?"

"Because it's just cheap coffee and donuts," Zelda told him. "There's a restaurant I went to a few times when I was here last year. It was really good, and the lady who owns it is, like, the coolest chick ever. You've _got_ to meet her." Her brow creased slightly. "Although there may be some trouble, if I'm remembering her style of dress right…"

"It'd be hard to forget," Malon made an awkward face, as if she wasn't quite sure how to feel.

"Oh well, nothing to do about it now."

The restaurant turned out to be a narrow brick building, two stories high, with wide windows and a blue-painted fire escape. Written in white script on one of the windows was, "Telma's Café & Bar."

"Do they have bacon?" Dark asked. He seemed to be in a better mood now that they were out and about.

"I don't think she would be allowed to call it a café if they didn't," Zelda said.

"Because bacon is awesome."

"Yes dear."

Dark, whose normal style of walking most resembled a kitten that was trying to strut but kept getting distracted by dust motes, happened to be at the front of the pack as they reached the door. He proudly shoved it open, moved slightly to hold it open for the others…

And froze.

Link stepped up beside him, following his line of sight. "Dark? What's-" His mouth dropped open. He let it.

The restaurant was small, as such things went, with booths along the right wall and tables for groups of two or four scattered across the main floor. It was decorated in muted tones of golden-brown, with occasional spots of color in the lamps and condiments. The left-hand wall held the bar, more properly called a counter at this time of day, backed by a few dozen bottles, a chalkboard, and an open window that provided a view of the gleaming silver appliances in the kitchen. The chalkboard had at least three different peoples' handwriting on it, and some surprisingly good drawings of the daily specials. Apparently someone called Gary had died, and someone else thought Mountain Dew and vodka made a suitable memorial drink. There was a mirror at the very top of the wall, tilted to give anyone in the room a view of everything behind the bar. Including the bartender.

It was she who had ground Dark and his brother to a halt. She was a woman. She was very obviously a woman. She could not have been _more_ obviously a woman if she had tattooed "I Am A Woman" onto her forehead, not least because anyone with even the slightest appreciation for the female form would have a seriously difficult time forcing their eyes that high. It wasn't until a head of blonde hair moved in front of him and a well-placed sandal heel drove into his foot that Link managed to get enough control over himself to move out of the way.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"Just don't do it again," Zelda snapped. "It's okay if you look, but don't be _rude_ about it."

"I don't mind," the woman behind the counter said, laughter in her voice. "Why would I dress this way if I didn't want the attention?"

Link got a good look at the rest of her as his friends filed in. She was older then he'd thought at first, late forties to early fifties, and heavier then current fashion claimed was attractive. But she carried herself with the grace and poise of someone who knew they were dead sexy, and if anyone else disagreed that was _their_ problem. A lot like Dark, really, if Dark were a middle-aged Gerudo woman. She had red hair piled on her head in a lot of tiny braids, and her clothes were an interesting combination of business casual and corset. As she came around the counter to show them all to a booth, Link noticed she wore a red apron with the same white lettering as the window.

"Sorry," he said again, to her this time.

"Don't worry about it sweetie, really." She nodded at Dark, who was still frozen. "But tell your friend that if he drools on my floor he has to mop it."

Kafei and Ralph were staying carefully silent, their respective girlfriends clearly holding back laughter. Link joined them at the booth, mouth shut and eyes averted.

"Good to see you again, your highness," the woman greeted Zelda. She'd produced a stack of menus from somewhere and passed them out.

"Oh, you remember me!" Zelda exclaimed.

"You're the _princess_," the woman pointed out.

"Everybody, this is Telma," Zelda introduced her. "Telma, this is everybody. You remember Anju and Malon from last year."

"Of course. How are you, girls?"

"This is Kafei, Ralph, Nayru, and Link." Zelda pointed at the door. "That's Dark. Dark will probably be hitting on you for the next three weeks. I recommend you ignore him."

"Can do." Telma studied his frozen form thoughtfully. "He could do with some feeding."

"We know. We're sort of worried."

"Well, I'll see what I can do to help. It is my job, after all."

Zelda grinned. "You're awesome, Telma."

"I know sweetie."

Dark appeared to be slowly defrosting, since Telma was keeping her back to him. When she headed to the kitchen to start their orders he managed to cross the room and slump against the booth.

"You could lose a _backhoe_ in there!" he exclaimed, awed.

"She could pick you up with one arm," Link said.

"I _know_." Dark grinned. "I have _got_ to get me some of that."

"Good luck," Zelda said, mysteriously.

As Dark made his way to the bar, Link turned to his girlfriend. "He doesn't stand a chance, does he?"

"Not even a little."

"Married?"

"No."

"Gay?"

"Nope. But she has a type, and Dark isn't it."

Several conversations sprung up among them, but Link kept one ear swiveled toward the bar, ready to drag his shadow away by force if things got sticky.

Dark leaned on the counter, cranking the charm up to eleven. "So. Hey."

"No," Telma replied.

"Not even going to hear me out?" He tried out his best grin. "It's just a bit of fun."

"Oh I like fun, don't get me wrong. But the answer is still no."

Dark considered that, but decided to ask, "Why?"

"Because. I like _men_, not boys."

"Hey, whoa," Dark waved his hands. "I resent that! I may be scrawny but I am _not_ a boy. You shouldn't judge people by the way they look."

There was an ominous _clunk _as Telma set down a coffee pot a bit harder then she had to. "You ever thought about that, sweetie? I mean _really_ thought about it?" She leaned on the counter, and glared at him so hard he actually maintained eye contact.

"I agree you shouldn't judge someone based on their race, or their build, or things they can't control. But clothes? Haircut? If you see a girl dressed head-to-toe in Chanel, you are _fully justified_ in assuming she cares more about appearances then quality. You, my friend," she pressed a finger against Dark's nose, "are dressed like a twelve-year-old wannabe goth. You have more skin showing then _I_ do. You look, in point of fact, like a slut. And you went out in public like that." She drew her hand back and straightened up. "That leads me to believe that you either _are_ a slut, or you're just too dumb to realize you look like one. And either way, I'm not interested."

Dark stared at her, mouth open.

"Go sit down sweetie. Your food will be ready soon."

Most of the conversations died off when Dark sunk into the booth beside Link. He stared at the table for a moment, then slowly slumped forward until his forehead was resting on the paper mat.

"That was the most thoroughly I have ever been shot down in my _life_," he announced.

"You okay?" Link asked.

"Yeah, um," he sat up, shoving the hair out of his eyes. "I am. Which I think is weird. But I am. Except I'm _really_ tired."

"Which is also weird," Ralph said.

"Maybe drink some coffee?" Link suggested.

"Oh hell no. You do _not_ want to know what caffeine does to me."

"What is _with_ you and substances?" Link asked. "I mean, you go clubbing all the time but you don't drink or do any drugs. You can't have caffeine either?"

"Nope," Dark said. "Even sugar makes me kind of jumpy. You know how I'm hyper all the time? I honestly have _no idea_ whether that's really me or if I'm just on a permanent sugar high."

"Right… What's up with that?"

Dark shrugged. "I don't know. You would think that since I'm a copy of you I would have all your resistances…but it doesn't seem to work that way. Maybe it's because I'm, you know," he shot a glance at the kitchen, "a shadow. Or maybe I'm just a pussy."

"Either way, you've got a point." Ralph pulled a face. "Considering how jazzed up Dark is most of the time? I would _hate_ to see what happens to him when he drinks caffeine."

"Thirty minutes of speed-talking, then three hours of headache," Dark admitted sheepishly.

"Right. So…you stick with juice."

"Juice is good."

Telma reappeared with plates, cheerfully talking about their orders and what there was to drink. It took three trips, but finally she was placing the last meal on the table.

A huge stack of pancakes, right in front of Dark.

He blinked at it. "But…I didn't order anything."

"On the house. You look like you need it."

Dark pouted. "If this is an apology, you're gonna have to do better."

"I've got some blueberry syrup in the kitchen."

"All's forgiven!"

"You know, Dark," Link rolled his eyes. "It might be a bad thing that complete strangers can predict you."

"I am a simple man with simple tastes," Dark said primly. "And blueberry syrup is awesome."

zzz

If one were searching for something nice to say about the people involved in the argument, it would be that if they had known their voices were reaching down the hallway and almost out of the building, they would have almost certainly lowered them.

There were five of them, and only two were currently shouting. But everyone in the room had raised their voice at one point or another over the last few days, even if they felt bad about it immediately after. Of the five, only one was female, and after her initial outburst at the beginning of this incarnation of the argument she had remained silent. This was telling, for those who knew her.

The other four were all male, and hovering protectively near musical instruments. Two guitars, a half-assembled drum kit, and a keyboard covered in popcorn. The five of them were clearly a band, and just as clearly having some problems. It wasn't just the shouting, it was the way the music sheets were scattered across the small room. The ketchup stains that had never quite washed out of the skin of the snare drum. The overturned chairs, and shattered bottles. This was not the wanton partying of an 80's band, this was intentional destruction of property.

Another thing the casual observer might have noticed, was that all five band members were Zoras.

"No one is trying to take anything from you!" Mikau snapped.

"Oh no," Even agreed. "You hardly have to _try_."

"We're a _team_, dammit! We're supposed to work _together_!"

"Every member of a team has their position! You're the lead guitarist, _I'm_ the songwriter."

"_And_ the keyboardist."

Even scoffed. "Like it matters. You sing sometimes too."

"Exactly! We bend! We try different things! We learn and get better! And we don't _forbid_ someone from doing something just because _we're_ already good at it!"

"I'm not _forbidding_ anyone from anything! But I'm the songwriter! I write the songs! That is what we _agreed_!"

"Because you're _good_ at it! We all _know_ that! That doesn't mean the rest of us shouldn't be allowed to try to!"

"So fine!" Even waved expansively. "You've tried! Good for you! Are we _done_?"

"No!" Mikau grabbed one of the fallen sheets and shoved it at Even's face. "We won't be _done_ until you actually let us _play_ this!"

"You were just fooling around on your guitar!"

"I _know_ that! But I think it sounded good, and maybe if we worked _together_, all of us-"

"It would still just be the amateurish _dicking around_ of a wannabe rock star!"

Mikau and Even glared at each other, panting slightly. It generally wasn't good for Zoras to exert themselves out of the water, but like most teenagers they didn't care what was good for them.

The moment of tension stretched like a rubber band, tighter and tighter, until…

Someone sobbed, softly. The casual observer from before might have been surprised at the gender of the one crying, but no one who knew him well would be. Japas, the bassist, had always been a sensitive soul. So much so that he pressed his hand against his mouth to try and muffle the sound.

No one said anything for a long time. Tijo, the drummer, patted his crying bandmate awkwardly on the arm. There were no accusing glances, no blame placed.

"Just," Japas began, breathily. "Just tell me what to do. Tell me how I can help. I won't try to write songs any more. Just, please, we can't- Please. I can't… I can't…" Then he started crying again and hid his face entirely in his hands.

Lulu, the only female and the singer, got up from her seat. "We're not breaking up," she said, with the air of someone dictating a law. "These are just…growing pains. Even, you're the songwriter. You always will be, because you're so damned _good_ at it. We all know that, the same way we know Mikau is a good guitar player and Japas is a good bass player and Tijo is a good drummer. _BUT_!" Lulu had received voice training. She could make one word fill an auditorium. The poisonous glare she shot at the three men who weren't crying was just icing on the cake. "That is what we _do_, it is not who we _are_. We are fucking _artists_, and we all _care_ about our fucking _crafts_. If we think we can become _better_ artists by experimenting with new mediums, then we _should_. But we have to remember," her glare narrowed to the two clashing personalities, "that we _are_ a team. And we are going to _stay_ that way. Or goddesses help me I will tell the tabloids you're all _gay_. _IS THAT CLEAR_?"

There was a brief pause while eardrums recovered.

"Crystal," Even muttered. He strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"I'm sorry," Japas whimpered. "I'm sorry, I just _hate_ this."

"I know, honey, we all do." Lulu stroked his head gently, like a child. "But it'll work out, I promise."

"I don't want Even to leave. I don't want Mikau to leave either. But I don't want to have to stop writing down what me and Mikau play."

"You won't have to," Mikau said. "Lulu's right, we can work everything out. It's just that… everything changed so fast. A few months ago our only goal was to make an album. Now we have a label, and _fans_." He shook his head, smiling wryly. "It would almost be easier if it was the money or the fame that was corrupting us. There have been dozens of movies about that. This is artistic differences, plain and simple. We just have to…compromise. Somehow. It'll be okay."

Japas sniffed and nodded. "Um, Lulu?"

"Yes honey?"

"Um, could you not threaten to tell people we're gay? That makes it sound like being gay is a bad thing and that's not very nice."

Lulu blinked. Sometimes Japas surprised even those who knew him best. "Oh, of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay," he said, trying to smile. "It's just that my cousin is gay and he was really sad about it for a while."

"You're right, that was tactless. I won't do it again."

"Okay." He nodded, the matter settled in his mind, and left the room. The bass guitar left with him, as always. Like most of them, music was a security blanket to Japas. A few hours without being allowed to strum a few bars or at least sing a few lines from _Annie_ and he got…twitchy.

Tijo followed moments after, twirling a drumstick across his knuckles. He didn't say a word. There was nothing to say that hadn't been said a thousand times before.

When they were alone, Lulu settled back onto her seat and sighed, slumping over her knees. Mikau joined her, with an additional rubbing of his face.

"Well?" she said simply.

"I don't know. I feel like we can work it out, I really do. But not until I know what the real problem is."

"You mean it's not just that Even feels like his place in the band is threatened?"

"I… Maybe. I'm trying. I am."

"I know." She rested her hand on his, briefly. After a moment, she spoke again. "Tijo knows. About us."

Mikau nodded. "I think he saw us in the hall the other day."

"Yes, but he wasn't surprised. I think he suspected for a while now. And I don't think he was the only one…"

Mikau shot her a look. "You don't think…"

"You and I are the faces of the band, Mikau. Everyone knows that. If we left, we would do fine on our own."

"But we wouldn't! Not ever!"

"Even doesn't know that."

"He should."

"He can't read _minds_ Mikau." Lulu rolled her eyes. "I think we would be in even bigger trouble if he could. If he's already afraid that we're going to leave him behind, you trying to write songs, move in on his territory, wouldn't improve matters."

"Okay, okay," Mikau sighed again. "How do you always _know _this stuff?"

"It's a girl thing. Also he keeps a livejournal under a fake name."

Mikau laughed.

"I'm gonna go back to the Zora part of town, okay? I want to rest my lungs for the show on Friday."

"That's five days away!"

"Still. I'm tired."

"Okay, babe. I'll see you tonight?"

She smiled, that angelic smile that had drawn Mikau to her in the first place. "Of course."

They kissed, familiarly, and then Lulu too was gone.

Mikau sat alone in the room for a while, looking at the damage. He rubbed his hands over his head and sighed yet again. He hated feeling like this, but sometimes… Sometimes he wondered if it was all really worth it.

He decided to follow Lulu's lead and get some air.

The building they were set up in was on the edge of town. It was a _real_ venue, with chairs that weren't folding and frames for posters and a distinct lack of the smell of beer and cigarettes. Six month ago he would never have dreamed he'd be in a place like this, much less desperate to get out of it.

The area tended to be deserted in the daytime, a fact which was fine with Mikau. He felt the blue funk creeping up on him, yet again, and couldn't decide whether it would be better to spend time alone, or spend it with people.

The decision was made for him when a blonde ballistic missile collided with him at about chest level.

He hit the pavement, hard. "Ha!" a voice shouted next to his ear. "Never doubt my courage!"

The voice went straight through Mikau's brain and had his lips moving before he completed the thought. "Link?"

Link it was, sitting back on his knees and grinning like Mikau hadn't seen in a long time. "Hey, man."

"Link!" It was Mikau's turn to do an impression of weaponry, throwing his arms around Link's shoulders and squeezing him for all he was worth. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"At the moment? Being squished. Ow."

Mikau laughed and let him go, using his shoulder as a brace for climbing to his feet. "That's what you get. Seriously though."

Link took Mikau's hand and was hauled upright. "Seriously? Vacation. I'm not alone either. The whole Primary Squad is here. And our respective lady friends."

Mikau finally looked up, and sure enough there were half a dozen people waiting on the sidewalk. He laughed and promptly hooked Ralph and Kafei in a three-way hug. "You have _no idea_ how glad I am to see you guys."

"You could email us more!" Ralph scolded. "It's not like it's hard."

"I've been busy! And all kinds of shit has been happening… It would just be me complaining about the same stuff over and over. You don't want to read that."

"How would you know unless you _tell_ us?"

Despite the lecture, Mikau couldn't stop grinning. "Hey, you're here now." He stopped, something occurring to him. "What was that about lady friends?"

Ralph jerked his thumb toward the girls; Zelda, Anju, and Nayru.

"Damn! Primary Squadettes. Zelda and Anju I know. Hello ladies."

"Hey Mikau," Zelda smiled. They'd known each other from school, enough to be comfortable making small talk about how stupid making small talk was. "New tattoos?"

"Yup. I'm symmetrical now."

"Right on. The art teacher would be proud. She got fired though."

"Oh yeah? What happened?"

"Turned out she was more then just friends with a number of our classmates."

Mikau winced. "I will admit to not being a great judge of human attractiveness, but wasn't she kind of… oldish?"

"Middle-aged. And you're right, not attractive. The pot may may had something to do with it."

"I wondered why her office smelled like my old practice space…" Mikau held out a hand to the third girl. "You I don't know. I'm Mikau."

"I'm Nayru." She shook his hand, smirking a little at the politeness. "And yes, that's my real name. No, I don't know what my parents were thinking."

"Okay, cool. Which of these guys are you attached to?"

"Ralph, but it would be more accurate to say _he's_ attached to _me_."

"Fair enough." He glanced back at Link. "So the tabloids were right then?"

"About me dating Zelda, yes. Not about anything else."

"What about you saving the world?"

Link blinked. "Um, what?"

"Anyone who knows you would have recognized you from that 'Weekly Hyrule News' article. Not to mention all that stuff going on a few months ago, with the weird creatures roaming around at night. They had to close off a big section of the lake here that went poisonous for no good reason. Most people assume it was just one of those things that happens when you have a society that still half-functions on magic. But, well, I know you. And I know the princess. So…what the hell really happened?"

Link sighed. "You always were too smart for your own good."

_"Someone _has to be, hanging around nutbars like you guys for so long."

"All right, all right, let's find somewhere to sit down. Also." He glanced around. "Where the hell did Dark go?"

"Who's Dark?"

Zelda jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "He got distracted by that girl with the tri-colored hair by that coffee shop."

"Damn. Okay, let's go drag him away."

"Who's Dark?" Mikau repeated.

Link grinned. "My shadow."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AN:

So guess where I am right now? SAKURA CON! Mwahaha!

The song title doesn't mean anything this time, except that you should know, in the story, that today is Monday.

See if you can guess who Dark's lawyer is. Should be too hard, if you're up on your video games and/or have visited my Deviantart account.

Mostly this chapter was just introducing new characters. There will be one more in the next chapter, as well as a major sub-plot. There are MANY subplots going on. I have no idea how many we will end up with. The main plot is kind of simple though... There are some hints, if you can spot them.

Have a fun weekend you guys. I know I will.


	4. She Blinded Me With Science

DUDE YOU GUYS THIS CHAPTER IS THIRTY-FOUR PAGES LONG HOW THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?

**Chapter 4. She Blinded Me With Science**

Mikau had been suitably blown away by the summary of events. So much so, in fact, that it took two people to hold Dark back from drawing on him with a silver sharpie. They were in a coffee shop as Link told the story, helped and hindered at appropriate moments by the others involved. As soon as he could move again, Mikau got up and led them all back to the trashed practice room.

After he was done shouting at his friends for putting themselves in so much danger, Mikau threw an arm around Dark's neck and declared him an honorary roadie.

"You're neat, Mikau." Dark grinned. "Link, your friend is neat."

"We like him," Link agreed. "So that's what me and mine were doing this year. What about you?"

"Um," Mikau gestured at the poster Dark had laid on the table. "This."

"Well, yeah, we know _that_. Your Hyspace page gets more hits than that blonde with the butterfly tattoo on her face. But what have _you_ been doing?"

Mikau stared at the table for a long moment. "You saved the world…and you want to know if I'm _stressed_?"

"Pretty much."

"Of course I'm fucking stressed!" He waved his arms frantically. "This band has existed for less then two years! We didn't get our first gig for nearly six months. Now we're _famous_. We've been on _TV_. People recognize me on the _street_. And Even is worried because he thinks we're going to kick him out which is _bullshit_ but there's no way I can convince him of that, I seriously think Japas might have been abused by his parents in some way, and Lulu? A couple weeks ago, Lulu thought she was pregnant." He slumped over the table. "Turns out it was just stress messed with her cycle. I didn't know that could happen. But it was especially scary because we _do_ use protection. I'm not _stupid_." Mikau rested his head on the tabletop and folded his arms over his skull. "Gods I've missed you guys…"

Ralph glanced at Link. Just a glance, but over the last few months Link had gotten a lot better at understanding the world around him and the people in it.

He stood up. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. Me, Kafei, and Ralph are going to take Mikau and we're going to find a movie theater and watch something with explosions. Then, we're going to go to that little arcade on the boardwalk and get our asses handed to us by twelve-year-olds at DDR. And then, we're going back to Telma's and we're going to find out if she's the kind of person who thinks it's okay if teenagers drink as long as they have supervision. Sound good?"

Ralph was smiling. "Sounds good."

"Gonna have a 'guys day,' then?" Zelda said.

"Seems like a good idea, is all."

"No, you're right." She stood up too. "Ladies? Shall we?"

"Lets," Nayru agreed with a smile.

Everyone got up and split into two groups, leaving Dark stranded between them. He glanced from one to the other, looked down at himself, and finally said, "I'm gonna find some goths."

Link paused. "Uh, you know, you can come with us? I mean… you're good at making things fun. And, um, I know you don't like being on your own…"

"I _won't_ be on my own. I'm finding goths."

"All right, but… You call Ralph. If you need us."

"I will. I'm okay. You guys have fun. Reconnect." He grinned, the reassuring one.

"All right," Link said again.

They split up, the guys heading downtown, the girls going in the general direction of the beach, and Dark pursing his lips thoughtfully and heading back into the theater to ask for directions to the library.

It wasn't until they were close enough that the lake was glistening at them between buildings, that Anju stopped and asked, "What happened to Malon?"

zzz

The local library was, appropriately, a large old-fashioned stone building, with broad stairs and huge doors. All that were missing were the vestigial pillars and bas-relief carvings and it could have been a temple. It was, in a way. A Temple of Learning.

Dark laughed aloud at his own joke, and made a mental note to share it with someone later.

As he got closer he peered down the sidewalk, looking for anyone in scene clothes. There was a bunch of kids, a couple of bored-looking middle-aged women, someone who was almost completely hidden by a stack of books, and –bingo!– a girl dressed all in black.

Dark took off running. "Hey!" Some of the kids looked up, but the girl was turning a corner. "_Hey_!"

A glimpse of blue out of the corner of his eye. A quick movement and a muffled exclamation. Then something crashed into Dark, bowling him completely over.

There was a moment of Pain and stars, and someone who was not him groaning, then Dark blinked the flashes out of his eyes and took stock. His head hurt, his right elbow hurt, his tailbone hurt, and, for some reason, his lip hurt. But that was not important because there was someone _Laying_ on him. They felt thin, but solid. Decently muscled. Male for sure, and as Dark's vision returned he looked down to see a head of reddish hair, smelling pleasantly of pear shampoo. Pear Shampoo. This moment alone made it worth the capitals.

"Ow," Dark said, belatedly.

"Bloody hell," the Person on top of him muttered, and Dark felt his breath catch in his throat. They had an _Accent_. One of those smooth clipped ones that made the speaker sound intelligent even when they weren't.

They pushed themselves up just enough to meet Dark's eyes, and Dark stopped breathing entirely.

Blue. Deep blue. The deepest darkest blue Dark had ever seen in eyes. Framed by round gold wire-framed glasses and creamy skin with enough brown in it to indicate it would tan nicely if the owner ever got some sun. The hair, ruddy more then red, was parted neatly on one side and held firmly in place with some kind of product, except for one curl that had escaped and hung above the owner's eye. A soft mouth, lips parted in surprise, and perfect high cheekbones that any model would _kill_ for.

"Bloody hell…" the Person said again, this time almost reverently. "You- You're-" He stopped, those epic eyes focusing in on Dark's face. "You're _bleeding_!"

"What?" Dark said vaguely. Most of his brain was busy trying to capture this moment in his memory, while the rest focused on trying to figure out if someone so Overwhelmingly Adorable could really exist.

"Your lip!" the Person exclaimed. His Accent made every word Music to Dark's ears. "I am so sorry! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"You could get off me before this gets _really_ embarrassing."

The Person looked at Dark for two full seconds before the meaning dawned on him. Then he _threw_ himself off of Dark, cheeks flushed pink.

"I am so sorry!" he said again.

"It's okay, really," Dark said, deciding from the Person's reaction that it would not be wise to admit it had made his day. Instead he sat up and looked around. They were merely feet from the library, books scattered all around. The kids and the women from earlier had apparently decided the altercation was none of their business and disappeared into the building. Dark and his new Favorite Person in the World were the only ones for a block.

Speaking of the Person, he had dug into one of the many pockets on his khakis and produced a white handkerchief, not exactly _pristine_ white, but the white of something that had been used and washed repeatedly. He handed it to Dark without looking at him, blush still coloring his cheeks.

"Thanks," Dark said. He looked at it curiously. There was an S monogrammed on one corner, the blue stitching also faded with time.

"Your lip," the Person said awkwardly.

"Huh?"

"You're _bleeding_."

"I am?"

The Person's mouth twitched. "Yes."

Dark touched the handkerchief to his mouth experimentally, and sure enough it came back with a rather large red spot. "Oh. Huh. That ain't good."

"No it's not," the Person agreed, definitely smiling now. "Are you all right?"

"A little banged up, but I don't bruise easy. Are _you_ all right?"

The Person nodded. "Yes. I'm _really_ sorry about that."

"Nah, it was my fault too. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Well, er." The Person seemed to want to say something else, but gave up and started picking up his books.

Dark took this opportunity to scope him out properly. He appeared to be about the same age as Link and his friends, and had the careful grooming of someone who wasn't afraid of getting dirty but didn't see the point of not looking your best when you had the chance. He was wearing khaki shorts, the knee-length ones with pockets and straps for tools that no normal teenager would carry, and a faded blue polo shirt buttoned all the way to his neck. A battered brown belt held the pants up, not quite matching his travel-stained hiking boots. Looking closer, under the pretense of helping gather the books, Dark noticed that the belt had numerous worn places and scratches, as though it had more purpose then just fighting gravity. The pants were the same. Even the little loop that was meant to carry a hammer had some rust stains, as though it had at some point _actually_ held a hammer.

From about the waist up this person was pure Nerd, the most stereotypical and downright _cute_ Nerd Dark had ever seen. But those little clues…

Dark looked down at the book in his hand. "'Frauds, Myths, and Mysteries?'"

"Oh, that's one of mine," the Nerd said. "It's about archeological hoaxes and why those people who think aliens built the Temple of Time are nutters."

That explained a lot. "Archeology, huh?"

"Yes. I'm a student." The Nerd sat back on his haunches, carefully balancing the stack he'd collected so far, and held out his hand for the book. "Thank you."

"No, let me," Dark said. "Why don't you give me some of those too?"

"I can handle it." The Nerd sounded sure, and he most likely was.

"Yeah but you already tripped once."

"The library is _right here_."

"With big stone stairs! You could hurt yourself!"

The Nerd smiled in spite of himself and ducked his head shyly. Gods _damn_ he was Adorable. "Well, all right."

There was some shuffling of books and a precarious moment when Dark stood up too fast and got dizzy, but they eventually made it off the sidewalk.

"I'm just returning these," the Nerd said. "Most of these. A few are mine. Then I'm going to take those few and go find about three more and spend the rest of the afternoon reading them and taking notes and maybe making some photocopies." He fixed Dark with a level gaze. "Just so you know."

"Duly noted," Dark said. "But it's still technically morning."

"So?"

"So you'll need to have lunch at some point. And you can't eat in the library."

"Well, yes, but I don't see your point."

"If you're going to be eating, and I'm going to be eating, we might as well eat together." Dark grinned broadly at his logic, the effect somewhat spoiled by the drop of blood he could feel sliding down his chin.

The Nerd stared at him, not blushing anymore but looking genuinely stunned. "Are you- Are you _asking me out_?"

"Yuh-huh."

"_Why_?"

"Because…you're hot?" Dark shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?"

The Blush was back in full force. "You're _mad_."

"Entirely possible!" Dark agreed cheerfully. "So what do you say?"

The Nerd ignored him, and pushed one of the massive doors open with his shoulder. Dark followed him through a huge echoing lobby, complete with soda machines off to one side, and a display about the summer reading program. The Nerd moved like a man with a Purpose, straight across the scuffed stone floor and through another set of doors at the back.

And there it was; the warm hush of a book depository. The smell of old paper and fresh ink. There weren't many people there, except for all the children gathered in the section with the most construction paper on the walls. A few older people reading the paper in the seating area between fiction and non-fiction. One or two parents browsing John Grisham. There was an area with desks near the back, the room was so big Dark could barely make it out, but it looked completely deserted.

Made sense. It was summer.

Dark followed the Nerd to the massive multi-part desk to their left. Signs hanging from the ceiling identified which part was which. Returns, Search, Library Cards. Dark wondered if three weeks was too little time to waste on getting one, and whether it would impress the Nerd if he did.

The woman at the Returns part of the desk smiled when she saw the Nerd approaching. She was "of a certain age" and seemed to have settled into the librarian mold with gusto.

"Good morning, Shad," she greeted him warmly.

"Good morning Mrs. Baker," he replied, maneuvering his stack of books onto the counter. Dark was somewhat pleased to note he sounded distracted. Ha!

"Who's your friend?"

Shad started to answer, freezing and looking near-panic when he realized he didn't know.

"My name is Dark," he said helpfully, putting his books next to Shad's.

"Really?" Shad blurted out.

Dark shrugged. "It's the only name I've got."

"Oh, er. I'm Shad."

"Nice to meet you!" Dark grinned.

The librarian was glancing between them. "So you _don't_ know each other?"

"Just ran into each other outside," Dark said with a little laugh. "But I'd like to know him more."

Shad flushed and grabbed three of the books. "You… I've got to go. Work."

Dark watched him as he rushed off, not letting the grin drop. As soon as Shad ducked behind a shelf, Dark turned to the librarian.

"You know him pretty well?"

"No, not really. He's been coming in every day for two weeks now. Studying the temple and the ruins outside of town. But he seems like a nice kid, it couldn't hurt for him to make a friend."

"I will have to see what I can do about that," Dark said solemnly. "Where is the archeology section?"

"Right over there, see the sign with the Dewey Decimal system on it?" She pointed.

"Yep! Thanks."

"You're bleeding, you know."

"Oh, right." Dark still had the handkerchief held between two fingers, and pressed it to his mouth. "Ew. Uh, is there any such thing as lip bandaids?"

The librarian chuckled. "Afraid not. You'll just have to let it stop on its own."

"Phooey. So much for the winning grin."

"Can't hurt to try."

"Can if he hits me." Dark grinned in spite of the injury. "But you know? I think this one is worth it."

Shad was in the reference section, already equipped with two more books and scanning the shelves for another.

Dark approached with exaggerated casualness, nearly strutting. "So hey."

Shad just glared at him.

"You didn't give me an answer."

"No…" he agreed, reluctantly. "I didn't."

"Well?"

"I… I can't." He looked down at the books in his arms. "I'm sorry, I _am_, but I can't."

"Why not?" Dark paused. "Oh, ooh, it's not because I'm a guy, is it? I mean, I'm usually pretty good at reading people so I thought-"

"No, no," Shad interrupted him. "It's not… Well, I'm not _out_-out, I don't try to advertise it. But I am. Er, gay." He dropped his voice at the last word, and swallowed hard before continuing. "I'm just busy. Research papers don't write themselves. And that is so cheesy I cannot believe I just said it." He sighed and bumped his head against the shelf.

Dark laughed. "It's okay. You don't need to worry about making a good impression on me. I _already_ want to date you, remember?"

"But." Shad shook his head. "You're not listening. I spend as much time as I can out at the ruins, and then I've got to come back here and compare all my notes to things people have written before. Not to mention comparing the ruins to each other. And it doesn't help that the Lake Temple has been closed for weeks."

"It has? What happened?"

"I have no idea. It was just a few days before I got here."

"Oh, you're not a local then?"

"No. I told you, I'm a student. I go to the university in the capital."

"Whoa, college boy?" Dark blinked. "But you look- How old are you?"

"Eighteen. I, er, I'm a genius." He Blushed again. "I'm starting my third year."

"Wow!"

"And _as_ a college boy I have a lot of research to do, so I don't have _time_ to be- be chatted up by someone wearing their little sister's t-shirt."

Dark glanced down. Okay, so the shirt was kind of tight on him and emblazoned with a pink kitten. But… "I _like_ this shirt."

"Which does not improve my opinion of you," Shad huffed.

"This from a guy in a fully-buttoned polo shirt."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you look like a complete and utter _nerd_."

"I _am_ a nerd," Shad snapped. "I don't like it, but I've accepted it. You start college at sixteen and you're basically marked as a nerd for the rest of your life."

"And the polo shirt?"

"I just think it looks nice…"

"Well I think I look nice in girl's shirts. So what's the big deal?"

"I don't know," Shad admitted.

"I got lectured about this earlier," Dark said. "I was informed, in no uncertain terms, that I dress like a slut. But you know? I don't care. I'm easy, let's face it, and if I like showing off my body that's _my_ business."

Shad said nothing, fingering the spine of a book. "Why…are you doing this? You don't even _know_ me."

"But I _want_ to. Isn't that why people date in the first place?"

Shad chewed on his lower lip, and Dark had to grab onto the bookshelf to keep from jumping him right there.

"All right, all right, _fine_. If you want to have lunch with me so bad I suppose I can't stop you anyway."

"Damn straight," Dark agreed. He grinned, for full effect, and Shad looked at him with the… _oddest_ expression. It was almost how Mikau had looked at him a few hours ago, when it sunk in just exactly What he was. Like he was some kind of Strange Creature that Shad could not hope to understand…

For the first time in a long time, Dark was struck by the realization of what other people must see when they looked at him. Black hair, black clothes, darkish skin that was just half a shade off of a natural color. And the _kinds_ of clothes. Tight or baggy, zippers and chains and dozens of pockets for _no good reason_. Whenever he did wear underwear, it was pink or black or had skulls on it or belonged to a girl at some point. His eyes were red with vertical cat pupils. They glowed at night and when he was angry, and he'd never quite learned how to control the brightness. He had fangs.

And, if the feeling of dried something on his face and the taste in his mouth was any indication, his chin was covered in blood.

"Did you, uh… Did you really just say yes?"

Shad jerked his eyes away guiltily, and nodded. "I suppose. But, I really am busy. So I want to make sure it's clear, this is _it_. I will have lunch with you and if, afterward, I say I don't want to see you again, you will leave me alone." He paused briefly. "I know a woman who has a shotgun."

"I will," Dark said. "Really. I don't like to force people into things they don't want to do."

Shad gave him a flat stare.

"Really! But you didn't give me an answer and then it looked like you were only saying no because you were embarrassed or scared and you are incredibly hot so I just wanted to make sure you gave me a fair chance. Because you are incredibly hot."

Shad's face was flaming red, but he didn't stop staring. "I said my piece. Now go away so I can work."

"Okay. I'll see you at about…twelve-thirty?"

"Yes, okay, fine. Go away."

"Okay." Dark turned away and walked straight out of the aisle, not even bothering to shimmy his hips as he did. There was something about Shad that said his straightforward 'let's have sex, it'll be good' shtick wasn't going to work.

"And wash your face!" Shad shouted after him.

Dark grinned, a small private one, as a warm feeling washed through him. Shad _cared_.

He scrubbed at his chin as best he could with the borrowed handkerchief as he walked across the carpeted floor. Any other day and he would have kept it, as a…souvenir. But with the bleeding and all, Dark's much-abused practical side was rearing its head.

He could buy Shad a new one. That would be a good romantic gesture.

Dark was aware of eyes on him. This was not unusual, but recent events made him curious. There was a small child of indeterminate gender peering at him over the bookshelf in the children's section.

Dark smiled. He liked kids. They understood things a lot better then adults, most of the time.

The child squeaked, real fear in those big brown eyes, and dove behind the shelf.

_That_ was different. Even if he did look strange compared to most people, he'd never actually _scared_ a kid before. They usually liked him as much as he liked them. So why…

Another head popped up over the shelf, this one most likely male and wearing a newsboy cap. He examined Dark thoughtfully, said something to someone Dark couldn't see, then left the children's section and walked up to him, bold as salsa.

"Are you a vampire?"

Dark's mouth dropped open. "What? No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! There's no such thing as vampires!" For the sake of honesty, he added, "There are some things that drink blood or other body juices, but they don't look like me."

"Oh," the newsboy said. "What do they look like?"

"Giant spiders, mostly. Or rotting corpses. They aren't really dead, they just look like it."

"That's weird."

"Yes. Yes it is."

There were more children appearing among the shelves, like a scene from a movie. The kid from before was peering around a corner, and judging from the dress was most likely female. A small boy with an unfortunate nose joined the newsboy, and looked up at Dark as though challenging him.

"You seen these things?"

"Yup. You guys remember a couple months ago when your parents wouldn't let you outside at night?"

The two boys glanced at each other. "Yes…" the newsboy said slowly. "But…our parents said nothing was wrong."

"They probably didn't realize it was. Bad magic like that, it sinks into your skin and makes you cautious without realizing _why_ you're being cautious."

"Icky." It was a third boy, ridiculously cute with blue hair in the style Dark thought of privately as 'mom wanted a girl.'

"It can be."

"I meant your face."

Dark frowned, crossing his eyes in an admittedly ridiculous attempt to see his own chin. "Do I _really_ look like a vampire?"

All the children within hearing distance responded with synonyms for yes.

"Oh." Dark touched his lip with the handkerchief again. "I should leave, huh?"

"Why?" a blonde girl asked.

"'Cause I'm, uh, bleeding? And also I need to find a good restaurant…or maybe make some sandwiches? What do you guys think?"

"I like sandwiches," the girl said.

"Me too. Okay, picnic."

"You're having a picnic?"

"I think so. Does that sound like a good date?"

"You're going on a date?"

"Yes. Look, I should really leave and I know how this goes. You guys start asking me questions and that leads to _more_ questions and _that_ leads to parents coming and complaining to Navi that I told their kids what hand job was. It's not my fault they _asked_!"

"What's a hand-"

"Leaving!" Dark started to walk off, the kids following him with their eyes. He hesitated after just a few steps. "But…I'll come back, okay? Once I wash my face and make a picnic. And you can ask me anything then."

"Okay!"

Dark dragged himself away and into the closest bathroom, disturbed to note that he did, in fact, look very much like a vampire.

So. Wash face (_why_ was he still _bleeding_?), find a supermarket, and make a picnic. Couldn't be too hard, right?

Right?

zzz

The arcade was doing a surprisingly good trade. Tourist towns had remarkably few things for the locals to do, and all the kids that would normally be at school seemed to have gathered there. There was no shortage of middle-schoolers to challenge to games, and Kafei and a boy with a big forehead and a bandana had been going one-on-one at DDR for nearly twenty minutes.

His friends had given up much sooner, and cleared some wannabes away from a table to sit down.

"So… you and the princess, huh?" Mikau said it with exaggerated casualness, and anyone who knew him would know he must have been rehearsing it in his mind for hours.

"Yes," Link said simply. "Me and the princess. You heard the story. You know what happened."

"Right, right, with the saving the world. See but… I think there's parts you kind of… glossed over."

Link's shoulders stiffened. "How so?"

"Oh come on!" Ralph rolled his eyes.

Mikau glanced at him, and they seemed to communicate with their eyes. "Like how… you mentioned Zelda was pretending to be a guy, when you met."

"Yes…"

"And you guys were friends for, oh, a good two or three months before you found out the truth."

"Yes, technically, but after that a lot of things happened very fast, so-"

"I'm not saying I don't understand. Just, if you thought Zelda was a guy, why did you start dating her _immediately_ after you found out the truth?"

"Say the words, Link," Ralph said. "It's good for you. Not like he didn't suspect already."

"What?" Link exclaimed. "Really?"

"Since freshman year. Do you _remember_ Mr. Kojin?"

"All right, all right, fine." Link took a deep breath. "I'm _bi_, okay? Bisexual. But I love Zelda so it's not an issue. Just…like…we like Orlando Bloom movies for the same reason."

Mikau clapped him on the shoulder. "Totally cool, man. Thank you for telling me."

Link mumbled something and ducked his head.

"We're working on the pride thing," Ralph said. "I _almost_ had him joining the GSA before school got out."

"Next year?" Mikau suggested.

"Next year!" They bumped fists.

Link shoved Mikau, making him stumble. "It's not funny!"

"You have to laugh, man. You can't take this stuff too seriously. Your shadow doesn't."

"Are you _actually_ suggesting that I act more like _Dark_?"

"Bad idea?"

"Very. He thinks he can live off of pop rocks and fruit roll-ups."

"Well… Okay, maybe not act _just_ like him. But…chill out more."

"I am _plenty_ chill! Honestly, can you blame me for being twitchy about this? I've only known I was bi for like three months. Even the fact that I've _told_ people is good progress."

"Okay, I'll give you that." Mikau admitted. He looked over his shoulder at the DDR machine. "What about Kafei? How's he been doing with all this?"

"Surprisingly well," Ralph said. "He's still as high-strung as ever, but he seems to have accepted that he can't control the world."

"Good. That's some Bond villain shit right there."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it. Bad guys in movies always want to take over the world, right? And…haven't you ever wanted to be able to control your life? _All_ of your life? The only way to do that is to control everyone and everything around you. Take over the world."

Link looked from Mikau to Ralph and back again. "You guys… You don't think…"

"I'm just saying. Maybe bad guys don't start out so bad. Just a confused kid or something. I'm not saying _I_ want to take over the world, but with the kind of shit that's been happening to me lately…" Mikau sighed. "I can empathize. That's all."

"Serious headtrip guys," Link shook his head. "I'm gonna go make fun of Kafei."

"Have fun," Ralph said. He waited until Link was out of earshot, then turned to Mikau. "Well?"

"Oh come on, you're not really going to hold me to that?"

"We bet five, right? I won't charge you interest, 'cause it's you."

"That was like two years ago!"

"A bet is a bet. You thought Link just wanted to _be_ Mr. Kojin, not _do_ him."

"I was young! I was naïve! _Link_ didn't even know!"

"It's true all the same. Pay up."

Mikau sighed and dug into his pocket. "Fine. But I was still right about him and the princess."

"Yeah, okay. But they're so storybook perfect, can you really blame me for thinking it was too good to be true?"

"I can sure try."

zzz

Dreamchaser90: HELP!

ivorygoth: whats wrong?

Dreamchaser90: A CRAZY PERSON asked me out!

ivorygoth: so… say no?

Dreamchaser90: I already said yes

ivorygoth: why?

Dreamchaser90: I don't' know

ivorygoth: is he THAT hot?

Dreamchaser90: Well

Dreamchaser90:Yes

ivorygoth: oh

ivorygoth: in that case go for it

Dreamchaser90: I can't!

ivorygoth: why not?

Dreamchaser90: I'm scared.

Dreamchaser90: This guy just showed up out of nowhere and just started chatting me up.

Dreamchaser90: I thought he was, you know, really hot, so I was okay talking to him at first

Dreamchaser90: But then he asked me out! For lunch! Today!

ivorygoth: I'm still nto seeing how this is a problem

Dreamchaser90: Because he's crazy! He dresses like he shops at the Goth Salvation Army.

ivorygoth: hey

Dreamchaser90: And he was making sexual comments in public.

ivorygoth: like any other guy your age

Dreamchaser90: And he asked ME out! ME!

ivorygoth: um, good?

Dreamchaser90: But why? Why would someone like that want to date me?

ivorygoth: you're cute, Shad, even if you don't realize it.

Dreamchaser90: You have to say that because you're my friend.

ivorygoth: yeah but it's true anyway

ivorygoth: you already agreed to go out with this guy, right?

Dreamchaser90: Yes…

ivorygoth: so you're boned

ivorygoth: either literally or figuratively, depending on how things go

Dreamchaser90: ASHEI!

ivorygoth: dude are you on the library computer again?

Dreamchaser90: Yes

ivorygoth: dude

Dreamchaser90: I know, I know, I hate Macs too. But it's not like I have much choice.

ivorygoth: oaky, well, whatever

ivorygoth: you have your cell phone?

Dreamchaser90: Of course.

ivorygoth: call me if anything goes wrong

ivorygoth: or pretend you're getting a call and say it's me and I'm crying ad you need to come comfort me

Dreamchaser90: Okay?

ivorygoth: and if all else fails, Telma has a shotgun

Dreamchaser90: Okay.

zzz

It was a beach. It was a lake beach, not the ocean. But it was a _big_ lake. And it was summer, with the warm sun beating down and decent-looking young men running around in swim trunk, trying not to stare at the quartet of females laid out on their towels. It was enough.

"How come you didn't want to see Mikau, Malon?" Anju asked. "Didn't you kind of know him?"

"We were in marching band together," Malon said, her eyes closed. She was a true redhead, and thus couldn't tan to save her life, but she'd covered herself in sunscreen and was hoping to at least get a good covering of freckles. "I liked him. He was cool."

"Then why did you disappear when we went to see him?"

"I didn't. I just wanted to grab some coffee. There wasn't really any reason for me to go anyway, Link and Ralph and Kafei were the only important ones."

"Yeah, but, um, didn't you want to meet the rest of the band?"

Malon stiffened. "Not…particularly…"

"I thought you liked their music."

"I do! I mean. It's…good. But, I mean, I… Link and the others know Mikau, so it's not like I won't get another chance. I just wanted coffee. That's all."

Anju sighed and leaned back. "Okay, whatever. If you say so."

Malon frowned, and took off her sunglasses. "I'm going swimming for a while. Anyone else?"

"I will," Zelda sat up. "Let me pull back my hair."

They scrambled up and ran for the water, laughing as a guy staring at them tripped. Anju lay back on her towel, reaching out a hand and poking Nayru's leg.

"She was lying, wasn't she?"

"I'm not a human lie detector," Nayru muttered sleepily.

"Actually, you kind of are."

"Fneh."

"So? Was she?"

"What do you think?"

"I think she's hiding something."

"There you go then." Nayru rolled onto her stomach and nuzzled her head into her arms. "Wake me if something interesting happens."

"Something's about to."

"What do you-"

She was interrupted by someone tripping over her ankle.

"Ow! Oh crap, sorry Nayru. Man I am _not_ coordinated today…"

Nayru pushed herself up. "Dark?"

He grinned at her, upside-down. "Scouting good picnic locations. I think it's too busy here. But then I saw you and I thought, 'Nayru's smart! She can help!'"

"Er, well, I'll try. What's up?"

"What's that accent? You know, the one where they sound all prim and proper? The one where…" He scrunched his face up in concentration. "Where they pronounce 'can't' like 'cahn't?' As in, 'I'm sorry but I cahn't.'"

"That, uh. You mean a Labrynnan accent?"

"Do I? Okay. What kind of stuff do they eat in Labrynna?"

"Not too different. Kind of bland, a lot of meat and potatoes. I think they boil everything."

"So, just, like, sandwiches should be okay? Or chicken? Everybody likes chicken."

"Dark _what_ is going _on_?"

He blinked. "You can't tell? I thought you had that crazy power where you could read people or whatever."

"Reading people's emotions is very different from reading their minds. Plus, you are talking _really_ fast."

"Oh." Dark took a deep breath and tried to slow down. "I'm planning a picnic. For this guy. That I met. Ohmygodsheissoadorable. I mean, _damn_. Anyways he has that accent and that is basically all I know about him so I was hoping it would help me choose food. Also he is a nerd."

"Well, you know what soda to get then."

"True."

"What happened to finding goths?"

"I-" Dark blinked. "Oh yeah! I totally forgot I was gonna do that, huh? Oh well. So, basic picnic stuff should be good?"

"Unless he's a vegetarian."

Dark went pale.

"I was kidding! Calm down. Just make sure and have plenty of fruit too."

"Always. Okay." He got up and dusted himself off. "Sorry, by the way. Did I say sorry?"

"Yes. It's all right, I'm not hurt. You have a huge scab on your lip though."

"I know. I bit myself when Shad knocked me down. _Totally_ worth it." He grinned, a new one, sort of embarrassed and proud all at once. "I gotta go run around some more. Headless chicken time. I am _freaking the hell out_, can you tell?"

"A little," Nayru said with a completely straight face.

"Okay, well, yeah." Dark started off down the beach, jogging backwards. "You both look awesome by the way. Rowr. If I wasn't crushing so hard I'm about to form my own center of gravity I would be _all over_ ogling you. Totally." He tripped over his feet and nearly knocked over another beach-goer, finally facing forward and running off across the sand.

Nayru and Anju stared after him.

"Should we, uh, should we tell the others about this?" Anju asked.

"Nah, let Dark do it. It'll be funnier if they don't know it's coming."

The two girls exchanged a glance.

"This is going to be a good vacation."

"Totally."

zzz

There were raised voices in the children's section. This was not unusual, since children tended to get loud when they were excited, but if you listened closely to the words…

"So, it's like playing ball?" a child's voice said.

"How so?" Not a child's voice.

"Like, like, you need to make sure they want to play with you. And that they understand the rules and want to play the same way you do. And they shouldn't be too much older or younger then you 'cause older kids throw too hard and littler kids can't even throw at all."

"That's very good!" the not-child's voice said. "Can anyone think of any other ways?"

"Ooh!" A different child's voice. "Um, um, you can get sick! 'Cause if you're playing with someone who has a cold an' they touch the ball an' you touch the ball then you get sick."

"_Also_ very good! And what should you do?"

"Don't play with people who are sick?"

"Ah, but what if you really like them, or they're really good at it?"

"Then…wash your hands?"

"Gloves!" a third child said.

"Good! Protection from germs. And cleanliness is just important in general. That's common courtesy is what that is."

Shad's mouth was hanging open as he rounded the corner. He was hoping he was wrong. He could very easily be wrong. But he had a sinking feeling in his stomach, and that voice was getting more and more familiar.

Dark was sitting on the floor, surrounded by children, making questionable hand gestures.

"And really it all comes down to what you want. You shouldn't let anyone talk you into doing something you're not comfortable with, and at the same time you shouldn't try to talk anyone into anything they really don't want to do."

"Seems like most of these rules can be summed up as 'be nice,'" a boy in a cap said.

"Well, they can, if you get right down to it," Dark admitted. "But most people don't listen if you say 'be nice.' It's too vague. You need specific rules for specific situations. People don't like having to rely on their own judgment."

"That's silly."

"Yes. But I do it too. People are afraid of making mistakes, so they try to pass the blame for their decisions on to someone else. Like a while ago, I was making a picnic. I told you guys about that, right?" About half of the children responded in the affirmative. "Right, well, I wound up bringing just regular picnic food. Sandwiches and chicken and salad and some fruit. But before I did that, I ran around like a crazy person until I found one of my friends and asked her advice. Because I didn't want to make the decision all by myself, and have no one to blame if I screwed up somehow." Dark glanced up. "Hi Shad! I'll be done here in a sec." He turned back to the kids. "Guys, this is Shad."

Several of them said hi.

"What…are you doing?"

"Q and A. They ask, I answer. No matter what it is."

"That's…" Shad could feel his eyes glazing over. "I'm sure there _must_ be something wrong with that…"

"Only because the kids wind up asking me the questions their parents refuse to answer."

"Hey, yeah!" a little girl with pigtails exclaimed. "I wanna ask that! How come parents refuse to answer stuff sometimes?"

"Because you are their children and they love you, and there are certain subjects that most people believe are not appropriate for children to know. They want you to stay pure and innocent for as long as you can."

"Does that mean we're not pure and innocent 'cause you told us a lot of stuff?"

"Not as long as you don't tell your parents what I told you."

"Kay."

Shad could barely manage to draw enough breath to snap, "Dark!"

"What? Someone has to teach them! _I_ learned all of this from drunk dudes and trial and error. I don't want anyone else to go through that."

Shad shook his head helplessly and fought the urge to pull his hair from its roots. "There is something profoundly wrong with talking to kids about- about- whatever it was you were talking about."

"Dating," Dark said. "I told them I was here to pick you up and that led to a whole discussion."

"Oh." Shad relaxed a bit. "That's… okay, I guess."

"What did you think I was talking to them about?"

"I don't know." He shuffled awkwardly. "Can we just go?"

"Sure!" Dark patted the nearest kid on the head and got up. "I'll come by and see you guys again, okay?"

"Okay!" the pigtailed girl said. She then immediately tackled the girl next to her.

Shad and Dark left chaos behind them.

"I just gotta grab something from the counter over here," Dark said. "Hi ma'am!"

"Hello again Dark," Mrs. Baker greeted him. "Did you find a good story to read?"

"Oh, we never got around to that. The kids just wanted to talk to me. By the way, if the cops show up I was never here."

Mrs. Baker paused. "Oh… Okay?" She reached underneath the counter and emerged with an industrial-strength brown paper bag.

"Thanks a lot."

Shad looked at the bag nervously, but handed over his stack of books. "Could you hold these for me?"

"Of course."

"See you in a bit, Mrs. Baker."

"More then a bit!" Dark protested.

"A while then."

"We'll see."

Shad glanced at Dark, then leaned over and whispered quickly to Mrs. Baker. "You're a witness, right? You can remember that he was the last person I was seen with."

Mrs. Baker laughed and waved them off.

"Come on!" Dark hefted his bag over his shoulder. "I'm starving. The smell of this food has been driving me crazy since I bought it."

Shad trailed after him, bemused. "You… There's food in there?"

"Yuh-huh. I bought picnic stuff. I hope you don't mind. I would have cooked, but I can only make a few things without a recipe. I usually rely on stuff that comes in boxes."

"No, it's… okay. But I was expecting a restaurant. Fast food."

"Pssh. That's boring. Also? Expensive. It adds up. Me and my friends are here on vacation for three weeks, did I mention that?"

"No, but I assumed."

"Right, well, right. And we've got to eat, right? But we can't just eat at restaurants every day! Luckily we're staying at a really nice hotel with microwaves and mini-fridges and all that. So we can buy groceries. Bread and peanut butter at least."

"That makes sense."

"Yeah! It's just like when I was living by myself. I couldn't afford, um, appliances, but I made do with basic non-perishable stuff. And apples. And getting other people to buy me food."

"Oh yes, I completely understand that. I've been taking care of myself for a couple years now…it's not as easy as your parents make it look."

Dark laughed. "Yeah, I wouldn't- I mean, yeah."

"You said 'when I was living by myself.' Does that mean you don't any more?"

"Yup! I live with my brother. He's staying in this nice house until he gets out of high school, so that's another year. Then college, and we'll both be fending for ourselves again. But with me working full time and him working weekends, _and_ we don't have rent or car-related expenses, we do all right for ourselves."

"Sounds like a good deal."

"Link, that's my brother, he's set for life now anyways."

"Why?"

"'Cause he's dating the princess."

Shad's eyes widened. "He's what?"

"Dating the princess. Zelda. They're totally perfect too, like Barbie and Ken. Only… you know, less meltable."

"Meltable," Shad repeated, weakly.

"Yeah. So hey, where do you want to sit?" Dark scanned the street. "I found a nice place on the beach, at least I think it's nice, but it was so empty I'm afraid it might belong to someone, or maybe there's something wrong with it I didn't see?"

"Well, there's a park a few blocks down."

"Is there? Okay, cool. Man I am never going to get this city memorized."

"You don't live here. You don't have to."

"Well, no, but you don't either."

"No, but I'm staying here for two months for my research. I kind of need to find my way around. Plus…" He shrugged. "I've always been good at that. Keeping a map in my head. I don't get lost much."

"Lucky. I do. Alla' time. I'm not too good at paying attention to my surroundings, though."

"Never would have guessed," Shad smiled.

"Ha!" Dark grinned. "I know, I have my faults. But I've got my good points too. You'll see."

Shad ducked his head. "I… I think I'd like that."

"Really?"

Shad nodded.

"Woo-hoo! I _am_ the master!" Dark pumped his free arm in the air.

"Well, let's see how your taste in sandwiches runs. Then, who knows?"

"Ooh, don't _tease_ me like that!" Dark winced. "I _know_ you're not the type to fool around on a first date."

"I _meant_ that maybe there will be a second date."

"Oh. Wait, aw, I'm still in maybe?"

"We'll see, that's all."

"Hmmph. You're just lucky I bought baby carrots. Baby carrots are awesome."

Shad laughed.

The park was small, hardly more then a yard with tables in it, but there was grass and trees and one of the tables actually had paint on it. They unpacked the bag together, Shad exclaiming when he found a bottle of Mountain Dew.

"Lucky guess?" He said. "Or did you actually know I like this?"

"Going by the stereotype," Dark admitted. "Nerd, Mountain Dew."

"Ah, right. Sad but true. It grows on you."

Dark pointed at it accusingly. "I defy anyone to find a mountain whereupon the dew is this particular color, and then return to tell me about it. And no fair wearing rad-suits for the journey."

Shad laughed. "You like the sound of your own voice, don't you?"

Dark shrugged. "Never paid much attention to it. Just better then silence."

"That's deep."

"It wasn't on purpose."

"You don't think before you speak, do you?"

"Does anyone? Really?"

Shad laughed again. "Point."

Dark turned the conversation back around to Shad's research, and was treated to a history lesson on the city of Lake Town. It seemed there had been a lake here before the Great Flood, but it had, naturally, increased in size quite a bit since then. Still, civilizations tended to stick close to water sources, and there hadn't been a single period in Hyrule's history where there was not _some_ kind of settlement on the lake's shores. Most of the ruins were from shortly after the flood, when the country was just starting to rebuild itself. A century of upheaval, Shad called it. People moved down from the mountains, rediscovered agriculture, and were awed by the castle. No one knew for certain why the castle had survived the flood almost untouched, while everything else from that period had been washed away. There was the legend, of course, the Hero of Winds. But scientists were always skeptical of things they couldn't prove on paper. Even in a world where it wasn't uncommon to see lanterns floating by themselves at crossroads, where fish-people and bird-people were close enough genetically to interbreed, where serious logging was impossible because sometimes the trees talked back. Still, the scientists clung to their rules and theories.

"Archaeology is different, though," Shad said, through a mouthful of roast beef. "Because we're not trying to prove something _is_, we're trying to prove it _was_. I believe in the legends because I've seen the proof of them myself, in the soil." He swallowed, aided by a swig of bright yellow soda, before continuing. "Hyrule has a rich oral history."

Dark managed to keep from commenting.

"But even that can't compare to the things that are written in stone. And I do mean that literally. Carved into the stone walls of an alter just outside of town. It's really beautiful, and they keep it that way by keeping people out. The trouble is that it's written in Old Hylian, which is a devil to learn. Plenty of books on the subject, and everyone likes being able to say things like 'magister mundi sum-'"

Dark snorted into his drink.

"But no one actually _speaks_ it. I mean, not conversationally. They have to take the time and translate it in their head. Even I do, although I could argue that I am not a language major."

"Sure."

"So I look at this beautiful wall of carving and I can _pronounce_ a few of the words, but I have _no_ idea what they mean without two books and a sheet of paper to work out the syntax." Shad paused. "Actually I don't know if syntax is the right word there. I'm not an English major either."

"Fair enough."

"What about you, Mr. Hates-Silence?" Shad smirked. "You've successfully proven that you can listen as well as babble. But can you complete a coherent thought?"

"Let's find out!" Dark chirped. "Ask me anything."

"Very well." Shad tilted his head back, thinking. "What do you do? Day to day. Are you in school?"

"Nah. I'm planning on getting my GED so I can go to college with Link and all his friends, but that's more out of obligation to social norms then any desire for structured education. I like learning. I like knowing things. But I like doing it on my own time, in my own way. I can't imagine being cooped up in a room for hours and having to learn the same things as everyone else."

"So then what do you _do_?"

"I have a job!" Dark grinned. "Slightly above minimum wage, full time. At a Cold Stone Creamery."

Shad frowned thoughtfully. "That…ice cream place? The one that pretends to be posh just because they mix gummi bears in with it?"

"That's the one! My boss and coworkers are all really cool though, they don't take it too seriously. I mean, they couldn't. They hired _me_."

"There is that."

Dark switched moods abruptly, turning defensive. "Hey, man, you don't even _know_ me."

"No," Shad agreed, not buying it. "But I want to. Isn't that why people date in the first place?"

Dark grinned again.

"So that's that, then." Shad got up and dusted off his knees. "Thank you very much for the meal, Dark, but I should really get back to work before it all slips from my mind."

"Oh!" Dark exclaimed, dismayed. He leapt to his feet, scattering napkins. "But, um… Well, I can at least walk you back, right?"

"Afraid not."

Dark tried to ignore the crushed glass feeling in his chest. "Why not?"

"Because we're relatively secluded out here. If we parted at the library, I wouldn't be able to do this." Shad neatly stepped over the empty paper bag and placed one hand on Dark's shoulder. He raised himself on his toes to make up the height difference, and pecked Dark lightly on the cheek.

"Same time tomorrow?" he said with a smile.

"Wsfgl?" Dark said.

"I'll take that as a yes. And next time, I'll pay." Shad waved, still smirking. "Till tomorrow!"

Dark watched him walk away, stunned into immobility for the second time in one day. There was something odd about that, the way he was always either frozen solid or running around faster then was healthy. Over all though, he decided, he seemed to be doing all right for himself.

Slowly, cautiously, Dark raised a hand to his cheek. He could almost feel it tingling.

"This is going to be a good vacation."

zzz

They dropped Mikau off at the performance hall as the sun was just starting to dip behind the mountains in the west. He clung to Ralph just a few seconds too long as they said goodbye, and let his hand linger in Link's hair when he ruffled it playfully, but no one said anything.

"We'll come by tomorrow," Link said, catching the clues. "When would be a good time?"

"Um, morning. We're, you know, a band, so we don't get anything started until after noon."

"Okay. We'll drag you out for breakfast."

"Okay," Mikau grinned, that slightest hint of desperation on his face. He stretched his goodbyes out as long as he could, before finally disappearing into the building.

His three friends walked in silence for a couple blocks before any of them spoke.

"He's gonna have a nervous breakdown, isn't he?" Link said, casually.

"Oh yeah," Ralph confirmed. "Within weeks."

"You don't think… drugs?"

"Maybe a little. But I don't think he's an addict. Given that he looks like he's under a lot of stress, it's not impossible that he might start to rely on them…"

"That's if we don't do something," Kafei said firmly. "And we _are_ going to do something." It wasn't a question.

"Right," Link agreed, anyway. "Even if it's just making _damn_ sure he knows we're there for him."

"We need to contact him more," Ralph said. "I know we kind of didn't think about it after he left. But we do."

"Yeah…" Link sighed. "I guess I never thought… I mean, he was living his dream! And he _knows_ we're his friends. I didn't really think he would need to be _reminded_ of that."

"It's nice sometimes, that's all," Ralph said. "People need to know other people care about them."

"He said he was dating Lulu. Doesn't _she_ care about him?"

"I'm sure she does, but she's in the same situation he is. Not to mention the added stress of keeping their relationship a secret."

"So we need to save our friend from…the pressures of fame?" Kafei said, twisting his mouth. It sounded pretty cliché, put like that.

"The pressures of performing, at least," Ralph said. "They're only famous in certain circles, so far."

"Well, all musicians are like that" Kafei said. "I wouldn't recognize anybody from… like… My Chemical Romance, walking down the street."

"Who would?"

Link rolled his eyes. "Just because you guys only listen to college rock…"

"This from the guy whose favorite song is by _Depeche Mode_."

"Favorite song _this_ week," Link corrected.

"It's all depressing and weird!"

"It's atmospheric. It reminds me of video game music."

"Ooooookay, whatever man."

Link shrugged. "I like what I like."

"You're totally going to be a hippie in college, aren't you."

Link grinned, looking almost like his brother. "We'll see."

They met up with the girls on their way back from the beach, half-dressed and glossy with sunscreen. Once they recovered their respective speech faculties, Link suggested they all head back to the hotel to change and rest.

Dark was standing in the hall, near his and Link's room, bouncing on one leg and carrying on a conversation with a teenage girl in a shirt with the hotel's logo.

"Have you ever found anything, like, really really gross?"

"Name a body fluid," the girl said, rolling her eyes. "Although we have to have special training to clean up blood. 'Cause of diseases."

"That makes sense. What about, um… Have you ever walked in on naked people?"

"A time or two. We're usually careful about that, though. Knock real loud and announce ourselves."

"That's good." Dark nodded thoughtfully. "Me and my friends, we're gonna be here for a long time. I don't think we'll need new sheets every day."

"If you tell the front desk, they'll make a note of it for our charts."

"You have charts?"

"You expect us to keep track for five hundred rooms in our _heads_?"

"Guess no-" Dark caught sight of his friends and leapt to his feet. "Link! Ohmigods!" He started to run towards them, paused in midstep, and patted the girl on the shoulder both as a way of bidding her farewell and keeping his own balance. "It was nice talking to you. Thanks bunches."

"Sure," the girl said, laughing. "Make sure to tip your maids, whenever you do want service."

"Will do." She headed off down the hall, and Dark rushed over to Link and the others.

"Link! I have been looking for you all _day_! Where have you _been_?"

"Around. Hanging out with Mikau. We just kind of wandered."

"I was wandering! I didn't see you! Also I lost my room key and I left my ID in there so I couldn't get a new one!"

"Okay, okay, slow down." Link had to fight the urge to laugh. Dark was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, looking quite a bit like an over-excited puppy. "Let's get out of the hallway."

Everyone split off toward their rooms, making plans to meet up again for dinner in an hour. Link kicked off his shoes and flopped down on his bed, watching Dark pacing around and occasionally skipping.

"What is with you?" Link asked. "Did you eat a bottle of honey again?"

"No no no. No. Nothing like that. Although I did drink a bunch of Mountain Dew so," he made a whistling noise and a fluttering gesture with his hand, perhaps meant to indicate that his brain had flown off. "Part of it is sugar high, part of it is endorphin high. Also I'm really tired, so I'm like. You know that thing where you're so tired you feel all wonky? That. But mainly." He grinned, one of sheer joy. "I met a _guy_."

Link blinked. "This is news?"

"Yes! Because! He is so adorable you have no idea. He has an _accent_. And he's a _nerd_. A _working_ nerd! An archeology student. And he has red hair and _glasses_. And argyle socks! I saw them when he crossed his legs. _Mm_! Did I mention he had an accent?"

"Yes."

"He has an _accent_ Link."

Link realized he was smiling. "That's great."

"I know! It is! And oh my _gods_ I just want to eat him _up_."

"Is that innuendo?"

"I don't _know_!" Dark was still grinning. He didn't seem able to stop. "We had a picnic! Right? And he told me all about ruins and stuff and old temples and how you can tell just from looking at soil if a building was there a hundred years ago! Isn't that cool?"

"I guess so."

"And he knows all _kinds_ of stuff like that! Oh my gods." He stopped suddenly, and swayed in place. "Link do I look like a vampire?"

"Uh…" Link was thrown by the change in direction. "Not really? Maybe if you wore a cravat."

"Like that state guy? I don't think so. That guy's a dick."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That time when they thought I was involved in that prostitution thing, remember? The prosecution was trying to prove I was crazy. I don't remember why. Just that guy was a dick. And I'm not crazy. At least not legally. You refused to come to the trial because you were pissed at me for bringing the working girls coffee."

"Oh yeah," Link sighed. "You _are_ crazy."

"Entirely possible," Dark agreed. "But I just try and remember what Bon Jovi tells me, which is that I've got to hold on to what I've got."

"Bon Jovi doesn't care about you, Dark."

"You shut your mouth!" Dark snapped, an almost desperate look on his face. "You shut it and you never open it again!"

"Okay, calm down." Link raised his hands, trying to pacify. Dark had never had mood swings this bad before. "Tell me more about this guy you're so in love with."

"Love?" Dark repeated, startled. "I didn't say love. I hardly know him. Besides, you know I'm not capable of romantic love. Shadows are asexual."

"Yeah, but humans aren't." Link gestured at him. "As you are a walking example of."

"No, I meant. You know what I meant. Shadows don't breed like that, so we don't form bonds like that. Familial love? Sure. Friend love? Of course. But not romance. I'm just not wired that way."

"If you say so," Link shrugged. "But you sure _sound_ like you're love-struck."

"That's crazy. You're crazy."

"No I'm not. And at least I don't need a paper to prove it."

"Yeah…well… Shad kissed me, so I don't care what you say." Dark took a single deep breath and let it out slowly. "Link?"

"Yes?"

"I think I'm going to pass out."

zzz

ivorygoth: still alive?

Dreamchaser90: Still alive.

Dreamchaser90: I had fun.

Dreamchaser90: Which is kind of worrying.

Dreamchaser90: Because this guy IS completely insane.

ivorygoth: but in a fun way?

Dreamchaser90: Heh. I guess so.

ivorygoth: what are you gonna do?

Dreamchaser90: Do?

ivorygoth: are you gonna see him again?

Dreamchaser90: Yeah.

Dreamchaser90: I like him. It's kind of hard not to.

Dreamchaser90: Like kicking a puppy.

Ivorygoth: hard not to?

Dreamchaser90: You KNOW what I mean.

ivorygoth: yeah yeah

Dreamchaser90: I just want to find out his intentions.

Dreamchaser90: He says he's here on vacation. What if he just wants to fool around?

ivorygoth: i still vote go for it

Dreamchaser90: You would.

zzz

A little girl with blonde pigtails and an older girl with similar features and dyed black hair were walking on the beach. It was a deserted one, normally filled with tourists because it was so close to the lake temple, but abandoned now that it was shut down. The locals didn't mind, since it left more of their shortcuts open.

"An' he said, he said, that if I wanted I could date Joanna when I grow up!"

"Your friend?" the older sister said. "But…you're both-"

"_He_ said that gender an' stuff doesn't matter as long as you both really wan' it."

"Okay…" the big sister thought about that. "I guess that's true, but don't you think you're kind of young to be thinking about that?"

"I'm not! I just asked so when I _do_ wanna think about it I'll _know_."

"It is creepy when you make sense, you know that kiddo?"

"Sorry?" The little sister bounced up and down and waved her arms. "Ooh! An' guess what else he told us?"

"What?"

"Monsters!"

"Monsters?"

"About them! Like, like, there's giant spiders! That don't make sense because, um, real spiders _can't_ get giant for some reason. But monster spiders can! And, um, um, dead things. That aren't really dead but they _look_ like they're dead an' he doesn't know why. An' there's these things? That look like hands? Reaching out of the _ground_. An' they grab you and this thing comes up and it bites you and _eats_ your _life_. And that's why you shouldn't climb down inside old wells."

The older sister's face had gone distant. "Hands…" she murmured.

"Yeah!"

"On long thin arms…" she said, as though reading something she could barely make out. "And…the creature… It moves so slow, its face raised up. And when it gets close it lowers its head and it… It…" She wrapped her arms around herself, so fast her hands slapped against her shoulders. "Stuff like that isn't real, Potava."

"Huh? But, yes it is."

"No it's _not_!" she snapped. "Stuff like that can't be real! It can't! Graveyards are just places where people are buried, they _aren't_ inhabited by zombies and dead hands!"

Potava looked up at her sister. "I didn't say anything about a graveyard… An' neither did Dark."

"They're not real," her sister said firmly. "They're just nightmares. That's all. That's _all_."

"Sis…"

"What?" she snapped.

"I don't think you an' your friends should hang out in the graveyard any more."

"Yeah," she agreed, relaxing slightly. "Yeah, that…might be best…"

The rest of their walk home was silent, both girls so wrapped up in their thoughts that they failed to notice the light burning in a low window of the shut down Lake Temple.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AN:

I am having issues with story structure. You can't tell yet, but in the next coming chapters I want you guys to be honest with me if it starts to drag. I also got tired of proof-reading about halfway through so there are BOUND to be typos.

I love Shad like woah. Can you tell?

Oh yeah, and you guys are probably curious... Here's the thing. I created a crackpairing. Yes. I created it MYSELF. All by myself. I'm kind of proud. What happened was, I was writing WHN when Twilight Princess came out. That means I was thinking about the characters a lot, and I looked at Twilight Princess through the eyes of a writer, looking for hints about the world and culture (and Zelink) that I could use in my fics. Then I saw Shad. I think I actually squeaked. He is SO CUTE. Cheekbones! Neat hair! That stupid bow! ARGYLE SOCKS! And I realized, as I talked to him over and over, that if I introduced him to the WHN world there was NO WAY Dark would not want to hit that. And somehow it turned into...this.

I love all the minor characters from TP. I didn't like Midna (she was pretty much a bitch until she got some of Zelda's spirit, and then she got all...handsy) or Ilia (just boring) but I loved everyone else. Especially the Gang from Telma's bar. And Prince Ralis. And the kids from Ordon. MOST especially Colin. I may have an inappropriate crush on him, in fact.

Oh yeah, quick note, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS ON ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT PRINCESS. Unless, you knwo, they agree with mine. You're not going to change my mind, and I just don't feel like getting lectured by yet ANOTHER Ilia fangirl. At least Zelda had a damn sword! All Ilia did was get amnesia. And Midna is still a bitch, I don't care what you say. I DON'T CARE.

Arrgh, sorry for ranting. I haven't slept since yesterday and I may be homeless in two weeks.

Still! I hope you guys enjoyed the gay, and Dark's scattershot approach to Capitalization. And Mikau being angsty. And the intentionally-grammar-impaired IM conversations. And me trying to do descriptions. Thirty-four pages you guys. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Know what? Just ignore all that. No comments on the Author's sleep-deprived ramblings please, just talk about the fic. Kthnxbai.


	5. 8675309

**Chapter 5. 867-5309 (Jenny)**

The girls had a conference in Zelda and Malon's room, shortly before they were supposed to meet the boys for dinner. First things first, the rooming situation had to be resolved. They were, after all, hundreds of miles away from any parents or adult figures that would give a shit about their sex lives, or lack of them. It was an opportunity not to be missed.

"If we switch things around this soon, we'll look desperate," Zelda said thoughtfully. "The guys will think we want it as badly as they do."

"Don't we?" Anju said, surprising everyone.

"Er, well…"

"I know you and Link have been doing it pretty regularly. He lives with Dark, so he doesn't have the same types of problems we do about it."

"Kafei has a van," Malon pointed out.

Anju wrinkled her nose. "That's a little trashy, don't you think?"

Zelda shrugged. "Don't think of it as trashy, think of it as…mixing it up. It's fun to try new things, new places."

"We're in a hotel."

"That we are," Zelda agreed. "I still think we should wait a few days. Nayru? Thoughts?"

"Three more days," she agreed. "And even then, I think Link and Dark should stay in the same room. Dark may be getting sick, someone needs to keep an eye on him."

"Yeah," Zelda said, frowning. "Dark's normally a night owl, I can't figure out why he's sleeping so much."

"Get him eating regularly, and lots of vitamins." Nayru shrugged. "That's all we can do until we know if it's really a physical illness."

"What else could it be?"

"Any number of things. Maybe he's depressed. People suffering from depression often have weird sleep habits."

"Dark? Depressed?" Zelda frowned even harder. "He hasn't been himself since the thing with Ganon, but that's understandable. He hasn't said what Ganon did to him… but whatever it was he should be getting _better_ with time, not worse. Right?"

"I don't think it's anything to do with that," Nayru said, quickly. "He's actually seemed to be in pretty good spirits. But the tiredness, that's weird. He might have a vitamin deficiency or something that's only now catching up with him. We won't know until we either see more symptoms or take him to a doctor. And I really don't think it's that serious yet."

"You just don't want to call off the vacation," Zelda said.

"That too." Nayru said. "Even if Dark is sick, knowing him he'll find a way to make the most of it."

"He'll find someone to play nurse for him or something."

"Right. So there's no sense worrying about it."

"Right," Zelda agreed, glad to get that out of the way. "The only big decision now…is where we should all go for dinner."

zzz

Most of the group slept in the next morning, but Link, Ralph, and Kafei dragged themselves out of bed to track down their erstwhile friend and drag him, in turn, somewhere else.

He was waiting when they got there. No one said anything.

They managed to find a place called "Jeepers! It's Bagels!" which had to be visited just to say they'd been there. It had tables and a full breakfast menu, which officially qualified it as "good enough."

And then the grilling began. They asked Mikau about everything. His music, his instruments, every single one of his bandmates. Not one detail unexplored. By the end of it, Mikau was smiling and making jokes. Even about the stuff that had, yesterday, cast a shadow over his eyes.

After a couple of hours, Link and the other two felt ready to collect the girls and get back to relaxing.

It had been decided that this, their second full day of vacation, would be devoted to the beach. Dark, as soon as he was awake, declared that he knew a great store for picnic food, and he and Anju were sent to do the shopping while the rest of them found a good spot.

"There's more people then I expected," Link said, scanning the crowds. "Looks like mostly families and couples." He frowned thoughtfully. "And… am I crazy, or do they all seem to be rich?"

"You're not crazy," Zelda reassured him. "You remember that this city doesn't allow news crews or any kind of media?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, because of that this place has become really popular for well-to-do families, and famous people." She shrugged. "Why do you think my parents always come here?"

"Because it's pretty? I don't know."

"Well, that's why. In the last, oh, ten years or so, my parents have come here whenever they get a free moment. Usually with me, sometimes not. I'm not actually sure if the city is so fame-friendly because my parents come here, or if my parents came here because it's fame-friendly."

"Conundrum," Ralph said sagely. "By the way, Nayru found an empty space."

They set up towels and umbrellas and beach bags, a little island of color on the sand. Then came the stripping down to swimsuits and making fun of each other. Dark, when he and Anju arrived with three bags and a Styrofoam cooler, naturally protested that they hadn't waited for him for that part, but he was easily distracted with a plastic shovel and pail.

The morning passed without incident.

At around noon, Dark got out of the water, dropped the bikini top he'd picked up somewhere, and started getting dressed.

"Whatcha doing, Dark?" Ralph asked, currently stretched out underneath an umbrella, hiding from the sun.

"Got a date," Dark replied, with exaggerated casualness.

"A…date?" Ralph pushed himself up on his elbows and glared at Dark. "Like, a real one?"

"Yuh-huh." Dark grinned. "Jealous?"

"No! Well…"

"Ha!"

"Oh, shut up," Ralph lay back down. "You know I love you. Always will."

"You just love Nayru more." It wasn't bitter, merely a statement of fact.

"I just love Nayru _differently_," Ralph corrected. "There's lots of different kinds of love. One isn't more or less then another. Just different." He waved a hand lazily. "Go on your date. Have fun. Tell me details later."

"I will," Dark said. He grinned again. "But remember, you asked for it."

"I know, I know. I'm sure I can handle it."

"Just for that, I'm going to use _medical_ terms." Dark pulled his shirt on, and marched off toward the boardwalk.

Nayru jogged up as soon as she saw him go. "Did he tell you?"

"About the date?" Ralph asked.

"About the _guy_. You should have _seen_ him yesterday."

"It's a guy?" Ralph frowned.

"Yes. And a redhead to boot. Jealous?"

"What do you think?" He sighed. "Don't tell anyone, okay? They wouldn't understand. I'm still amazed _you_ do."

"It's not that hard to get." Nayru settled in beside him. "You care about Dark. You want him to be happy. But you like him and enjoy his company, and the two of you _did_ have sex, so there will always be a part of you that wants to keep him all for yourself. It's selfish and doesn't make any sense, but it's part of human nature. Besides," she threw an arm across his chest, "I know _you_ understand why _I_ am jealous."

"I do." He kissed her hair. "But I also know that you know that I don't feel the same way about Dark as I do about you. As well as the fact that you will stab me in the kidneys if I cheat on you."

"Damn straight."

zzz

"No," Shad said, keeping his voice low. "I don't have a television in my apartment. It's not that big a deal, I have my computer, so I can still torrent all the important things. I gave up on 'Lost' two years ago, you _know_ that. I- No, look, I can't talk. I'm in the library. I am not! I'm hanging up. I'm hanging _up_." He pushed a button on his phone, then sunk his head down on the desk and sighed. "Bloody hell…"

"Hey, Shad," Dark said behind him.

"Hullo, Dark," Shad said, not moving. "Did you hear that?"

"Some of it. Friend of yours?"

"Yes, from school. Well, not so much a friend as…someone who won't leave me alone." Shad pushed his glasses up and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You know any people like that?"

"I think I _am_ a people like that."

"Hn. Maybe. Don't know you well enough yet."

"We'll have to work on that, won't we?" Dark grinned.

"Yes we will," Shad agreed, new resolve in his voice. "I haven't eaten all day, let's go."

"You haven't eaten? Like, no breakfast?"

"Did _you_ have breakfast?" Shad looked pointedly at Dark's stomach. Or lack thereof.

"Yes! My friends _made_ me."

"Wonderful, you can do the same for me." He stretched, back popping audibly.

"You're adorable," Dark said suddenly, grinning again.

"Shut up," Shad replied amiably. "Help me carry these books."

"Yes sir."

They made the trek to the desk and turned the books over to the care of someone who got paid for it. Some of the kids in the library tried to get Dark's attention, but he just waved and smiled and got the hell out of there.

"Sorry," Dark said, as soon as they were outside. "This happens sometimes. Kids like me."

"Do you like kids?"

"Yeah. But that makes it worse, because I don't like to say no to them."

"Well, at least you'll be a good dad some day," Shad shrugged.

Dark blinked, considering that. "I…never actually thought about that."

"Well, you're young, obviously."

"Obviously…" Dark muttered.

"Most of my friends are older then I am, so I guess I think about things I wouldn't normally."

"Like kids?"

"Oh _gods_ no," Shad laughed.

"Gonna elaborate on that?"

Shad raised one eyebrow. "Gonna elaborate on what you talk to kids about?"

"I do _not_ want to go to jail again," Dark shook his head. "So no."

"Again…" Shad repeated.

"I'm gonna not elaborate on that one either."

Shad shook his head, smiling. "Why is it that things that _should_ be scaring me off, just intrigue me?"

"I'm awesome like that." Dark grinned proudly. "So where we going?"

"There's this place called 'Happy Teriyaki,' which is exactly what it sounds like."

"Sounds like exactly the type of place I would frequent, just to tell people I go there."

Shad laughed again. "Perfect."

zzz

It started getting unpleasant around three PM, puffy gray clouds appearing out of nowhere. Zelda and her gang had spent the entire day at the beach, without even realizing they'd done it. They hadn't really done much, was the thing. Hung out. Talked about nothing. Played in the water. Made sand castles. Reminisced.

And an entire day had passed.

It boded well for the vacation as a whole.

But no one wanted to get caught in the rain, especially not in swimsuits, so it seemed prudent to retreat to somewhere with a roof.

"Anybody seen Dark?" Link asked as they started getting packed up.

"Not since he left on his date," Ralph said.

"Did he seem…all right?"

"Actually, yes. He seemed totally fine. Which is weird considering he fainted last night."

"He didn't faint," Link protested. "He…fell asleep. Standing up."

"He's a shadow, not a horse. And he can take care of himself, you know?"

"I'm just worried!" Link said. "This is only our third day here. And something's wrong with him, I can tell."

"Love sick?" Nayru suggested.

"Maybe," Link admitted. "From the way he was acting last night, he's got it _bad_."

"Ooh!" Zelda exclaimed. "Do tell."

"It wasn't exactly coherent," Link laughed. "He babbled a lot about this guy and how cute he apparently is. And his accent. It was hard to make out, Dark talks fast when he's excited. And he abuses sentence structure like a red-headed stepchild."

"It's weird though," Zelda said. "He always seems fine when he's with us, then things start winding down for the evening and out he goes."

"Well we can ask him about it when we find him. _If_ we can find him."

"Durhey," Zelda rolled her eyes and started digging in her bag. "Did you forget already? Dark has a cell phone."

"Oh yeah…"

Two buttons, and the phone was ringing. Link only heard half the conversation, but he could guess at the rest.

"Hi Dark, it's- Oh right. We're heading back to the hotel. Because- Yes, okay. Yes. Right, so we'll see you- Okay. It's going to rain, Dark. Is he standing right next to you? Then he probably heard that. Dark- Just call me if you need someone to pick you up. Because I don't want you walking around at night alone. But you don't _have_ Excaliboard anymore, do you? All right, so we'll see you tonight? Okay. Okay. Love you too. Bye."

"Still talking fast?" Link asked.

"Still talking fast. And I think I heard his new friend hit him."

Link shrugged. "That'll happen. Dark's the kind of person who responds best to physical stimuli. Doesn't take long to figure that out."

"Especially not for nerds."

Chilling in the assorted hotel rooms quickly lead to boredom, which lead to braving the light drizzle and heading to the one established "cool place" in town. Telma's.

There were other people there, but the group managed to squeeze into one booth. The crowd was mostly young people, different from the beach. They seemed to have stumbled upon one of the hangouts of the locals. Which was fine, if worrying. Zelda was getting looks. Zelda always got looks.

Telma herself was at peak efficiency, taking orders, serving drinks, and shouting at someone in the back. There was a goth girl actually delivering most of the food to the tables, and she and Telma were talking to each other in what may or may not have been a form of code. It involved the word "banana" a lot. They may have been quoting Doctor Who.

By the time the rain stopped, it was nearly dark, and the sky turned an absolutely ridiculous shade of orange. Zelda's phone played its little lullaby, and she announced it was Dark before hitting the button.

The entire restaurant heard the squeal.

"Honey, honey, what's going on?" Zelda asked, pressing the phone to her ear to muffle the sound. "Oh, is that all? Yes all! I meant what I- Okay. Okay. Yes, fine. Dark, there's always a rainbow somewhere. All right we'll meet you back at the hotel. Okay. Okay. Okay! I'm hanging up."

She groaned and leaned her head on the table.

"What's up?" Link asked.

"Somebody gave him soda again. He was rambling about this guy. Link…" she glared through her hair, dramatically. "We _have_ to meet him."

"You're right." Link glanced around the table. "Okay, everybody up. We've got to collect our missing teammate."

"And get a look at this rainbow," Zelda said. "Dark says it's gorgeous."

Link smirked. "I thought there was always a rainbow somewhere."

"There is. But there's one here. Now. Let's go." At Zelda's urging, they gathered up their belongings and leftovers and chorused goodbyes at Telma from the doorway.

There was, sure enough, a rainbow arching across the lake. Tourists and locals alike had stopped to gape, the colors standing out against the fading sky.

But the sun was sinking, and the light couldn't last forever. With a last longing glance they headed back for the hotel. That is, until they passed by a certain side street.

Ralph paused, glanced at something, and nodded once at Nayru. She nodded in return.

"Guys? I'll catch up with you." He took off running.

"Ralph?" Link grabbed at his sleeve, but missed. "Where are you going?"

"To invade Dark's privacy!" Ralph shouted back.

"But… Dark's at the hotel." Link looked at Nayru helplessly. "Explain please?"

"Not a mind reader," Nayru replied calmly. "Are we walking or what?"

Ralph jogged up the steps of the library, huffing for breath. He'd always been naturally thin, so exercise wasn't as important to him as Link or Kafei. But getting winded after a few hundred yards of light jogging was enough to make him consider, briefly, thinking about maybe possibly getting in shape.

Nah.

He took a minute to get control of his breathing before going in, noting the hours posted on the door.

"Can I help you find anything?" the woman behind the desk asked. "We're closing in about fifteen minutes."

"It's okay," Ralph said. "I know what I'm looking for."

He found it near the back, slouched over a desk. Red hair. Stack of books. Completely adorable. Exactly the type of person who could drive Dark into a frenzy.

"Excuse me," Ralph said softly.

The guy looked up at him, and Ralph mentally added the word "fucking" between "completely" and "adorable."

"Yes?" the guy said.

"My name is Ralph. I was wondering if-"

"Oh, you're Dark's friend!" the guy exclaimed.

Ralph blinked. "He's… mentioned me?"

"A lot. Well, as much as he mentions anyone else. Dark's main subjects of conversation appear to be pop culture and his friends." The guy stopped, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry, that was rude. Can I help you?"

"No. You already did. I just…" Ralph considered several possibilities, and settled for the truth. "I wanted to meet you."

"You did?" the tips of the guy's ears went red. "Why?"

"Dark is being very mysterious about all this. He's… not exactly the dating type."

"Really? Dark told me he used to date a _lot_."

"I think we're using different definitions of the word 'date.'"

The red spread down the rest of the guy's ears. "Oh."

"Did he tell you about that?"

"He… said he was, er, easy. And implied a lot." The guy thought about it, and added, "A _lot_."

"He does that." Ralph considered the guy for a moment. "What's your name?"

"Oh, sorry. It's Shad."

"Well, Shad. Dark is… very important to me. Easily my best friend, although I don't know if he knows that. But I know him. I know how he thinks. And I know how to get through to him. So… if he ever hurts you, tell me." Ralph grinned. "And I'll kick his ass."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AN:

Filler chapter! And it took me WAY too long. Do you guys mind terribly if the next one is just full of gay. Because that's where it seems to be going. Might just follow Dark around the whole time. It will be longer too, I promise.

I hope the chapter title makes sense this time. There were three phone calls so... yeah. Did I remember to explain it last time?

Sorry. It's late and I've been having life issues. Let me know if anything is confusing.


	6. Diggin' Your Scene

**Chapter 6. Diggin' Your Scene**

_The dreams were simple, now. He remembered the pain, and the voice, and the words that bored into his skull. __**Thing. Mine. Tool. Obey.**__ He always woke up before the worst part._

_In a way, it was better than it had been at first. In the weeks after…it…had happened, Dark had always awoken screaming, or crying, or rushing to the bathroom to be sick. In comparison, staring at the ceiling in a cold sweat was nothing._

_Sometimes, in those dark hours, he wondered if any of his friends knew what his master had __**really**__ done to him. And then he sent up a prayer to the goddesses that they never found out._

zzz

Dark slept through the alarm. This would have been bad if he still lived in that tiny crap apartment he'd had in spring, but Link woke him up and shoved him into the shower with plenty of time to get ready.

"We're getting you tested for mono when we get home," Link shouted though the door. It was a legitimate hypothesis, so Dark kept his mouth shut.

"We got plans today?" Dark asked.

"Not really. I think we were going to try to find a movie theater."

"I'm gonna go stalk Shad."

"I _have_ to meet him, Dark."

"I know. You will! Tomorrow."

"Why not today?"

"Because today I'm going to stalk him. You gonna let me shower or are you joining me?"

Link laughed, and left him alone.

Dark considered the water for quite a while before getting in. On one hand, a cold shower would help with a certain problem that had become even more pressing since he'd met Shad. One the other, hot showers felt sooooo good, and he felt like he was getting more worn out every day.

Dark compromised by getting into the shower while it was cold, and immediately twisting the knob to hot. The shock to his system was at least enough that he could put some thought into his clothes, for once.

"Link?" he said, tossing shirts on his bed. "Do you think I'm a woman?"

Link stared at him. "Where's this coming from?"

"Well, I'm not human, you know? So I'm not technically male or female. But everyone has been making fun of me lately for dressing like a girl! So I'm wondering if maybe my brain is wired more female then male."

"Look, it's simple. Do you like having the… parts you have now?"

"Yeah!"

"Then you're male."

Dark paused. "That can_not_ be all there is to it."

"I've known really girly guys and really manly girls. But as long as they're happy with their reproductive organs the way they are, they still consider themselves that gender. It's all _you_ have to worry about."

"So I'm not a woman," Dark pulled on a tank top, black. "I'm just _ridiculously_ flaming."

Link laughed. "Guess so. Why the worry?"

"Shad's _gay_. He doesn't _like_ girls."

"That's… actually a good point."

"Y'see?" Dark grabbed the first pair of black pants he found. "Okay, going stalking. Need anything?"

Link grinned. "A hug?"

Dark obliged, grinning too. "Love you."

"Love you too. Have fun!"

"I intend to!"

He met Shad outside the library, the redhead holding an energy drink and a canvas bag full of books. Dark couldn't help but smile.

"Learned from last time?"

Shad nodded, sheepishly. "I think, if I ever have that many again, I will steal a shopping trolley."

"Can't hurt," Dark agreed. "So, hey. I'm kidnapping you."

"Are you now?" Shad shook his head and headed up the stairs.

"I'm serious!"

"I'm sure. Shall I call the police?"

"Well, not about the kidnapping. But you're not spending all day in the library today."

"Not all day, no," Shad agreed. "But I'm not spending all day with _you_."

"You think that, do ya?"

"I do."

Dark snatched Shad's energy drink and held it above his head.

Shad shook his head and started up the steps. "I can get another one."

"Aww." Dark chased after him. "It's no fun if you don't play along."

"Do you want to be my research assistant?" Shad suggested. "Because you could do that."

"I could," Dark said. "But I could also drag you off and show you a good time."

"I'm a student, Dark. I have responsibilities."

"But you know all this stuff already!" Dark paused. "Don't you?"

"Well, a lot of it," Shad admitted. "But I have to cite sources. And I _like_ studying this stuff."

"I wouldn't want to take you away from something you like…" Dark chewed on his lip. "Lunch?"

"We can do lunch," Shad agreed.

"And… after lunch?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to walk around with you for a bit."

Dark beamed.

zzz

It was late afternoon, and the world was awesome. Hot, but awesome.

Dark and Shad had spent a good five hours together now, and though there had been the occasional awkward moments and lulls in conversation, Shad was still hanging around, so Dark considered it a win.

The sad thing, now, was that there wasn't really all that much to do in this town. Oh, there were shops, there was a movie theater, there were restaurants and an arcade. But they were all aimed at tourists, who had a lot more money than either a college student or a minimum wage drone could ever hope to make.

So they were wandering the streets, and talking.

"I don't have a lot of friends," Shad admitted. "But I'm very close to the ones I do have."

"I understand that."

"I guess I've never been comfortable hanging around in a group the way some people do. And I feel odd calling people on the phone. Like, I don't want to _bother_ them."

"Some people _like_ to be bothered."

Shad smiled. "People like you?"

"Not _just_ me. But yes, me."

Shad laughed, and Dark allowed himself a sigh. Shad was so damn _gorgeous_ when he laughed.

"You certainly don't seem to have a shortage of friends."

"Seven," Dark said. "Seven _close_ friends. But there are dozens of people that I would still call my friends, or at least friendly. I try to be friendly with _everyone_, I guess."

"That's a good thing," Shad said.

Dark bit his lip, considering. He still wasn't sure how to tell Shad about his past, or even if he should at all. But he'd already said that he was "easy," so…

"There's something else," Dark began.

"Gah!" Shad exclaimed. He slumped against the nearest wall and pulled at his collar. "This heat is _beastly_."

Dark had to agree. It had decided to be summer all at once. "I burn burn like a wicker cabinet."

Shad chuckled. "Chalk white and oh so frail."

Dark felt something like an arrow strike him in the chest. Had Shad really… Had he just… "I see our time has gotten stale," he said before he realized it.

"The tick-tock of the clock is painful," Shad said. "All sane and logical."

"I want to tear it off the wall."

"I hear words and clips and phrases."

"I think sick like ginger ale."

"My stomach turns and I exhale."

Dark stepped forward to stand face to face with Shad as they chanted the chorus together.

"I would swallow my pride, I would choke on the rinds, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside. I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out, find nothing but faith in nothing. Want to put my tender heart in a blender, watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion. Rendezvous then I'm through with you."

Without even thinking about it, Dark slid one arm around Shad's shoulders, braced the other against his hips, dipped him down in true romantic fashion and kissed him on the mouth.

He wasn't really expecting to be slapped.

Shad stumbled away, hand clapped to his mouth and blushing furiously. "What the _bloody_ hell do you think you're doing?"

"Um," Dark's thoughts were buzzing. What just happened? "Kissing you?"

"You- you didn't even _ask_ me!" Shad snapped. His eyes darted around, like a panicked animal. "And we're in _public_! What if someone- What if-"

"Oh," Realization hit like a truck. "Oh gods. I- I'm so sorry! I didn't even think…"

"That's obvious." Shad hunched his shoulders and turned away. "I'm going back to the library."

"But- but Shad!"

"I should have gone back hours ago," he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean… but _ask_ me next time."

"Do- do I get a next time?" Dark asked, hardly daring to hope.

"I don't know." Shad stopped walking, but didn't turn around. "I… I'm new at this. I don't even know what 'this' is."

"Are you-" Something was sinking in Dark's chest. "You mean you've never really, dated? Before?"

"A little," Shad said. "I had one boyfriend for a couple months, but we didn't have that much in common. There aren't that many gay nerds out there. And, um, I went to a camp that was supposed to, you know, 'fix' me." He laughed, and it wasn't hot this time. "I think I was the only one who made it out of there with my virginity intact."

Yep, there it was. "You're a virgin?" Dark said before he could stop himself.

Shad glared at him. "That is none of your business."

"But… you said…" Dark shook his head. "It's not a big deal, you know."

"It's still none of your business."

"You're right," Dark agreed. "I shouldn't have said anything. And I shouldn't have kissed you without your permission. I'm sorry."

Shad blinked at him. "Oh… Well… Yes. All right then."

"Am I forgiven?"

"I… Sure, yes." Shad smiled sheepishly. "If only because that was a really nice kiss."

Dark grinned. "So… still want to go back to the library?"

"Yes," Shad admitted. "But come get me in a couple hours. We'll get dinner, okay?"

"I am absolutely fine with that," Dark agreed. "Can I walk you back?"

"No."

zzz

"This is the most confused I have ever been," Dark mumbled. His face was buried in his arms, and he'd completely neglected the burger he'd ordered.

Malon patted him on the head. "It's your first relationship. That's natural."

"He's a _virgin_, Mal. And he's so _hot_. I don't know what to do…"

"You don't do virgins?"

"I try not to. First time should be special, and all that."

"Most people's first times are terrible," Malon said.

"I'd rather his not be."

"You think it would be if it was with you?"

"Oh _no_!" Dark sat up. "The sex would be _great_! But I'm worried he'd _fall_ for me. I like him a lot, I like spending time with him, but I don't know how to _do_ a relationship. I don't know if I _can_. I've never even _tried_ to be monogamous, and I _really_ don't want to hurt him…" He sighed and slumped over again. "I've only known him a couple days, after all. Normally I'd have _had_ him by now. And the goddesses know I _want_ to… But he's not the casual sex type, I could tell that right off. I _like_ him, I'm _crazy_-attracted to him, but… I don't know what to do."

"Keep doing what you're doing," Malon shrugged. "Seems to be working. He likes spending time with you too."

"I don't know if I can though. What if I start to really _care_ about him? Like you or Ralph?"

"Then you'll have another redhead in your harem," Malon laughed. "How is that a bad thing?"

"'Cause." Dark buried his face again. "I don't want to be his _friend_."

zzz

The streets were kept bright, even at night. The lights on the buildings lit up as the sun just barely touched the horizon. Lingering fears from the confusion of a few months ago, or standard operating procedure in a tourist town? Either way, it made wandering around after sundown a lot less nervous.

Dark wasn't afraid of the dark, even given his experiences. It helped that he could see in it a lot better than humans, although of course Shad didn't know that. Still, Dark was making a big show of checking around corners and darting around lampposts like a ninja. Shad kept laughing in that gorgeous way of his, so it was well worth it.

"Stop that!" he cried in defeat. "I get it, big brave hero, not jumping at shadows. Good for you."

"I used to have a weapon too," Dark said, panting slightly. "Board with nails in it. I called it Excaliboard."

Shad laughed. "I'm sure you did. What happened to it?"

"Ah…" Dark tried to grin. "Fell in battle. You know."

"Right." Shad gave him an odd look, but said nothing else.

Dark chewed on his lip. The memories were coming back. Not now, not like this…

Something caught his eye. They'd wandered into the back streets, the parts where the tourists didn't go. At least not the traditional ones. And there, written in flickering purple neon…

_The Dark Dove_

"Oh _yes_," Dark grinned. "Oh I _so_ need this."

"What?" Shad asked. He followed Dark's gaze. "_What_? You're not thinking- No! I'm underage!"

"That won't make a difference," Dark said cheerfully. "Trust me, this is what I _do_."

"But- but-" Shad gestured at himself. "I'm not _dressed_ for a nightclub! Especially not a _goth_ nightclub!"

"Clothes don't matter," Dark said. "Not in a place like this. Not if you have the confidence to _own_ it."

"And if I don't?" Shad snapped.

Dark smiled, his fangs glistening in the neon. "You're with _me_."

Shad gulped, but didn't argue. Dark led him across the street to the club, its name in spiky purple script. There was a line in front, short, thankfully, and Dark used their time in it to become bestest best friends with the kindergoths in front of them.

But, about halfway through the chatting and flirting, Dark… stumbled. As though he wasn't sure entirely what to do. He caught himself, kept the flow of conversation, but every once in a while he would pause, and seem to change what he'd been about to say.

When they got near the front of the line Dark started up a conversation with the bouncer. He joked and laughed and introduced Shad. They were inside the club within minutes.

It was dark and smelled like cheap perfume and clove cigarettes. Everywhere was black and lace and the occasional flashes of glowsticks and pink hair streaks. Shad immediately started feeling self-conscious, but Dark was grinning like a madman.

"Oh I have _missed_ this," he said over the music. "Come on, let's hit the bar and get a feel for the place."

Shad followed obediently. This was _far_ from his element. He wondered if Dark even noticed the looks they were getting. Dark had taken to the place like a fish to water, even with his casual clothes. But Shad stuck out. And everyone but Dark could see it.

Dark used his odd powers of cheerful conversation to get himself a glass of cranberry juice, and Shad something called "Thor's Hammer." Then he scanned the dance floor with all the careful precision of a surgeon.

"Do you dance?" he asked Shad.

"Never tried."

"It's not hard. You just sort of move with the beat. Mostly you just can't care what you look like."

Shad considered that for a moment, then took a swallow of his drink. "Let's go."

They returned to the bar an hour later, this time for water. Shad was sweaty and his hair was in his eyes and his feet were killing him, but he couldn't seem to stop grinning. He'd danced with at least a dozen people, several of whom put their hands in places that would be very inappropriate if they weren't dancing. Dark was probably the only one who'd kept it firmly above the waist.

"You may have something with this," Shad said, once he'd got his breath back.

"You see?" Dark's eyes were shining, and his face was flushed. He looked happier than Shad had ever seen him. "Just… letting loose. Looking like an idiot. Being surrounded by people. And it's exercise, which releases endorphins, and… yeah." He chugged his water. "I'm a party animal, I guess."

"A party animal who drinks cranberry juice?"

Dark shrugged. "I'm no good at drinking. I don't disapprove of it or anything, I just suck at it."

"You smoke? Drugs?"

"Nope and nope. Same reasons."

Shad grinned. "Don't drink, don't smoke. What do you do?"

Dark laughed. "Subtle innuendos follow."

Shad laughed too, shaking his head. "Is there a song you _don't_ know?"

"Boy, I hope not."

"I'm gonna find the loo." Shad set his glass down. "Try not to get in trouble."

"No promises."

Dark watched him go, not even trying to hide where he was staring. Damn. _Damn_! It wasn't fair that someone who spent all their time shut up with books should have an ass like that…

"Dark? Holy crap!"

Dark spun around, and found his arms full of female. It took a moment to identify the naturally black hair and white leather, but when he did he hugged back enthusiastically.

"Ashei! Girl, what are you _doing_ here?"

"Vacation!" she pulled back and grinned at him. "School, technically, but it's not like my subject is that complicated."

"Social psychology, right?"

Ashei rolled her black-rimmed eyes. "The Study of the Things People Do When They Think They're Doing Something Else."

Dark laughed.

"So what are _you_ doing here?"

"Vacation," Dark said. "What else?"

"You always did know where to find the most action." Her hand slid down his side, and Dark felt warm fingers dip below his waistband. "It's been so _boring_ here. You wanna find somewhere and…"

"Ah…" Dark took her hand and very carefully guided it back up. "Sorry, but you know the rules. Only once, then you're just a friend."

"No fair." Ashei pulled back, pouting. "Well, wanna at least help me find somebody? You make a hell of a wingman."

"Not sure if I should. My date will be back any second."

"Ooh, date?" Ashei grinned wickedly. "Is he cute?"

"Very. Wait," Dark paused. "How did you know it was a he?"

"You only ever use the word 'date' with men. Girls are friends, or hook-ups."

"Huh." Dark tucked sweaty bangs behind his ear. "Did everyone know before me?"

"Probably." She laughed. "You're kind of obvious."

"Meh."

"Tell me about this guy. Top or bottom?"

"Don't know yet. Don't think _he_ knows. Probably not going to find out."

"You're not?" She blinked. "Why not?"

"It's not like that. I mean, I _want_ to, obviously. He's the cutest thing I have ever seen in my _life_." Dark sighed. "But he's a virgin, I'm almost positive. I don't want him imprinting on me or something like that."

"Ah, right. Understandable. It's always awkward when they fall for you."

"Right," Dark agreed. "It's so weird though. The more time I spend with him, the more time I _want_ to spend with him."

Ashei's eyebrows raised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's so weird. I'm attracted to, well, _most_ people honestly. And there are people that I get closer to then others, you know. I seem to adopt siblings like _cats_. But this is different. I've never felt the way I do about him about anyone before…"

Ashei gaped at him.

"What?"

"Name," she demanded. "Age. Hair color. _Measurements_. I want to know who could possibly steal _you_ away from bachelorhood."

"Hey now, I never said-"

"Name!"

Shad, meanwhile, had been waylaid on the way back from the restroom. Yes, waylaid was a good word. It was a young man, younger than him even, swaying slightly and with pupils as big as saucers.

"A polo shirt?" the guy sniffed. "This isn't an emo club, or are you going for the gothabilly look?"

"I just wanted to annoy you," Shad said. "Seems to be working, so I guess I did all right."

"The fuck?" the guy said, scowling at him. "You think you're funny?"

"Sometimes."

There was a screech from the bar, and without a thought Shad shoved the guy aside and ran towards it. Most of the people were moving away from the commotion, but when he got close, he saw-

Ashei, with her hands wrapped in Dark's shirt, shoving him against the bar. Glasses scattered, a broken bottle disturbingly close at hand.

"Don't you _dare_!" she shouted, her face contorted. "Don't you fucking _dare_! You get the _hell_ out of here, _now_! If you ever come _near_ him again I'll rip off your balls and _feed_ them to you!"

"Ashei!" Shad shouted. The bouncers were already closing in. "Bloody hell, what are you _doing_?"

She turned her head, unseeing at first, eyes finally focusing on her friend's face. "Shad?" She dropped Dark unceremoniously. "You don't know! You don't know this guy! He's like me! He's _worse_ than me! He'll-"

"I won't!" Dark grabbed onto a stool, holding himself upright. "I'm not going to _use_ him, Ashei! I don't _do_ that anymore."

"But you did before!" she snapped. "Teachers, married people, _anyone_. Anyone you could charm."

"Only if they wanted it!"

"But you _made_ them want it." Ashei was _snarling_.

"I never _forced_ anyone! I wouldn't!"

"You took advantage! You didn't care _why_ they might want you, if it was _good_ for them! You just _took_!"

"It's not _like_ that! I'm not going to do that to him!"

"Why not! What makes him different from every other?"

"Because I lo-"

Everything froze.

"I…" Dark turned his head slowly, almost afraid to check. Yep, Shad was still standing right there, well within hearing distance. "I…"

Shad took a step forward.

"Everybody BACK OFF!" a new voice shouted. It turned out to belong to an extremely large man in a black suit. He was flanked by another large man and an even larger woman, one of which grabbed Ashei by the arm while the other took hold of Dark.

"Yep, this is happening," Dark said flatly.

Shad followed them out, along with several others who appeared to be acting out of boredom. Ashei provided a nice show, hissing and cursing, but Dark just hung in his captor's arms like a rag doll. They weren't actually _thrown_ out the front door, but it was close enough.

Ashei immediately got between Dark and Shad, protecting the redhead. "Go away, Dark," she said, her voice low. "Go far far away."

Dark nodded briefly and started to turn.

"Wait!" Shad darted ahead, grabbing Dark's shoulder. "Don't I get a say in this?"

Dark shook his head. "She's right. I'll only end up hurting you."

"Isn't it _my_ choice if I want to risk that?"

"You hardly even know me."

"But I _want_ to." Shad glanced back at Ashei, then lowered his voice. "I… I heard what you almost said in there…."

Dark hunched his shoulders. "I- It was, heat of the moment."

"I know. But… I appreciate it. I like you a lot, I think. I'd like to like you more."

Dark looked up at him through his bangs. "Really?"

"Really."

"But! Shad!" Ashei waved her hands desperately. "He's a _slut_!"

"Ashei!" Shad snapped.

"It's true," Dark said. "I am. Anyone who wants me, I… I thought I was just having fun, I didn't think… I didn't once think about how it might affect the people I was doing it with."

"You see?" Ashei exclaimed. "He doesn't _care_!"

"Past tense," Shad said. "Didn't." He rested a hand on Dark's shoulder.

"But Shad!" Ashei sounded pleading. "I… I don't want to see you hurt."

"I don't need you to protect me, Ashei."

"You don't know what he _is_!"

Dark's head jerked up, his eyes wide and frightened.

"He's _Dark_," Shad said firmly. "That's all that matters to me."

"You're insane," Ashei shook her head. "Don't come crying to me when he's left you for the next one."

Dark started walking down the street, leaving the other two behind.

"Dark!" Shad shouted after him.

"She's right," Dark said, barely turning his head. "Everything she says about me is true. And you should hear it."

He kept walking. Shad didn't follow.

zzz

It was well into the night. Dark was sitting on an abandoned stretch of sand, watching the moonlight play across the water. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he left Shad. He didn't care. He was tired of being miserable, tired of being afraid, but sometimes he wanted to wallow. Sometimes he wanted to let the feelings wash over him, accept them.

Maybe if he fell asleep on the beach someone would think he was homeless and give him some money.

Dark's ear twitched at the sound of footsteps. They were light, barely shifting the sand. He turned his head as they got closer, and saw a young guy with long lavender hair walking toward him.

"Hey," Dark said, automatically.

The guy nodded.

"Nice night."

"You could say that," the guy agreed. There was an odd tilt to his voice. As though he found something about the encounter humorous.

"I dig your jeans," Dark said, nodding at them. "I didn't even think they made purple jeans in men's sizes."

The guy froze. "What?" he croaked.

"What? I like your jeans."

"They're not-" He wasn't laughing any more. "They're purple?"

"You didn't know?" Dark sat up a bit more, frowning. "How do you buy purple jeans by _accident_?"

"I'm- I'm colorblind." The guy ran his fingers though his hair, pushing back his over-long bangs and giving Dark a good look at his eyes. They were red, and not the deep crimson of Sheikah. His skin was too pale for that. Bright red. Like a mouse.

"Oh!" Dark exclaimed, then immediately clammed up. It was probably an awkward subject. "Um, seriously though. Dude. Where did you get them?"

"Goodwill." The guy looked down at himself, panic in his bright eyes. "I- This stuff was all around the same section."

"Well… that explains it then. They sort stuff by color there, sometimes."

"It's _all_ purple?" It was a shock, yes, Dark could understand that. But the guy was really freaking out.

"The coat is black."

"Oh gods… How _did_ I do that by accident?"

Dark climbed to his feet, his own problems entirely forgotten. "Are you okay? Do you have other clothes?"

"Yes, but… I didn't think… I didn't know jeans _came_ in purple!"

"Hey, it's no big deal." Dark reached out a hand to pat the guy's shoulder comfortingly, but jerked it away at the last second. Weird. For a second there, he'd felt like…

"It's not important," the guy said, his voice dropping in tone suddenly.

"It's… not? You were kind of freaking out there for a second."

"I don't like… I am not _weak_."

"No one said you were, dude."

The guy shook his head, tugging his bangs back over one eye. "I can work this. This is… yes. This can work."

"Um, okay. Whatever you say."

The guy glared at Dark suddenly, his one visible eye narrowing dramatically. "I know you."

"You do?" This was getting surreal.

"Oh yes. The renegade."

Dark felt himself stiffen. He couldn't really mean…

"I suggest you forget this all happened," the guy said.

"I think I'd like to," Dark agreed. He drew himself up to his full height and did his best glower. "But I'm not going to."

"I disagree," the guy said. He smiled, suddenly, not at all pleasantly. "And here's why."

He touched Dark on the forehead, once, and Dark gasped. For a split second he felt like all the energy was being drained from him, like every good thought he'd ever had, every warm feeling, was being forcibly pulled out of his skull.

Then he was just tired. So tired. Too tired to do anything but lay down on the sand and go to sleep.

That was where Shad found him, thirty minutes later.

"Mnn, what?"

"Dark! Wake up, please!"

Dark forced his eyes open, though it felt like there were lead weights tied to each lash. "What?" he said again.

Shad sighed with relief. "I was so scared! I thought you'd been hurt, or done something stupid…" He grabbed Dark's hand and stood up, pulling the taller man with him. "You really shouldn't sleep on the beach."

"I wasn't trying to…" He rubbed his eyes. "I just wanted to… be away. I don't remember… I must have been more tired than I thought."

"Well don't you scare me like that again."

"I'll try. I'm sorry."

"I'd better walk you back to your hotel." Shad looked up, sharply. "Just to make sure you make it there, I mean."

"I know…" Dark stared down at the sand. There were fresh footprints there. Had someone walked right past him while he was sleeping? Rude. "You talked to Ashei?"

"I did."

"She told you… everything?" Ashei knew a lot of things about Dark. Including the fact that the face he wore wasn't his own. He suspected that was the real reason she was upset at the idea of him dating Shad.

"Nothing I didn't know already," Shad said. "You're not exactly subtle, Dark. And I'm used to learning about people from the things they leave behind. I could tell you were… loose, when it came to sex." He rested a hand on Dark's arm. "And I could tell you weren't just using me."

"That's it?" Dark frowned.

"What else is there?" Shad tilted his head.

"I… don't know." Dark considered just telling Shad, right then and there, all of it, but… "So, um, walking me back?"

"Yes." Shad took his hand. "And tomorrow, I'm going to meet your brother."

"Yes," Dark smiled, the first one in what felt like months. "Yes you are."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Author Notes

How long has it been? No, never mind, I don't want to know. Does anyone even remember what's going on? God. I suck. I'm sorry. Spies ate my brain.

This is for you, DG.

The next one might take a while, but not as long as this one. That much I can promise.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry folks. For those coming to this story several years late, it's over. I still have fondness for the characters, an I know people like what there is of it, so I won't take it down. But... yeah. It's 99.9% unlikely it will ever be finished.


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